Post 100

Well I would like to congratulate myself for making it to 100 posts.
I've skimmed over a few of them in the past couple months and I have seen how far I've come, which makes me feel a bit encouraged I suppose.

Anyways.
This past weekend was really really tough for me.
You see I recorded with my band Friday, Saturday & Sunday, over 24 hours of recording.
I got really sick Friday, and I was having a really bad day.
I was very angry at my band mates, well because of numerous reasons, I don't really care to share right now.
So we got to the recording studio, I apologized to them, asked them to pray with me, they did not, so because they didn't I became even more angry, so I got out of the car as calmly as I could, and I started walking.
I walked a good 2 miles.
I called my husband up and complained about what a sucky day I was having.
I wasn't able to be with him on Friday, so it was very hard on me having to connect with him via texting and phone calls.
I cussed my heart out to him, using just about every word in the book, I told him to pray for me, he did and then we hung up after saying "I love you".

I was trudging down CR 28 in Goshen, and finally I shut my freaking mind up and started to listen, then I prayed and the Lord made something very clear to me.
I worry about everyone else about me, and their relationship with him, so much so that I forgot about my own.
WOW!
I found it kinda funny that I started praying,
Jesus, please help me to worry about me and you, instead of them and you.

At first I thought it was selfish, but then I realized how it isn't.
How on earth am I suppose to do anything for Him, if I am not worried about what He thinks of me, or how he feels about me, and the things I am doing in my life, pertaining to a life of worship, and complete surrender.

I felt pretty happy, that finally after such a frustrating day, He told me to worry about "US."
Me and Jesus.
It sounds kinda cheesy,
But God is a jealous God,
He wants all of me, not left overs, or opinions that never go anywhere.

I want Him to have all of me.
Really I do.

So anyway.
I continued back to the recording studio.
I felt better for a while, until I drew nearer to my destination.

I didn't want to be with my "friends."
I didn't want to record.
I just wanted to stay outside on the country road, alone with Jesus.

But I had to be with them, for the next 2 days, and I had to face them.

SO I asked Him for Grace, to Love them, and He did.
As I finished my walk down the road, with the Lord, I asked him if he wanted me to quit the band, maybe become a speaker, or a stay at home mom, what ever He wants,
JUST LET ME KNOW!

haha, no response.
I walked through the door of the studio,
sat down,
and went through my things, getting my equipment ready.

I got a phone call.
A lady from my church wants me to come and speak to speak to her homeschool group about how I didn't date, but how I waited for the Lord to bring me my husband.
I told her I would love to.

I hung up,
and remembered my prayer,
And all though I didn't get a straight up answer from God, he did give a little confirmation,
I suppose I am doing all the things I need to be doing, and he will open up the door for more opportunities,
but today I just need to love Him.
And tomorrow, and the rest of my life.
And I need to share with others what He has done in my life, and what He has done for each and every one of us through his Son, Jesus.

I am learning more and more what it means to live a life of worship to Him in Spirit and in Truth,
yeah I am frustrated that I don't get things right away, and that I have to learn the hard way, most of the time.
But He is patient, and gracious.

I need Him.
So for post 100,
I'm pretty happy that He keeps revealing his unending love to me.
I am sure he will for 100 and 1,000, 1million more.