hopes, dreams, fears and tears

ummmm, how do I put this.
I am a little frustrated at the moment. Not at anyone, I just want to make that clear.
Well, I am young, married and have no children.
I have many friends but...I feel like I am stuck in this odd place...The friends I have either are single, or married with kids.

AHHH! What do I do? My single friends can't relate to me and I can't relate to my married with kids friends since I have no children.

I just found out one of my friends is pregnant with her and her husbands first child and I am excited for them, but at the same time sad.
I want children, but I don't think now would be a good time, financially or emotionally.
I often think about what it would be like to be a mom, I think I would really enjoy it, but after I think about it I feel a little sad because what if it's not God's will and then I also think about how I won't be able to do the things I want to do because I will be fully dedicated to my children.
But would I be willing to give it all up ? Yeah I think I would.

Then there is also the factor of, can I even have children, and do I even want to find out and only get my heart broken.
Adoption is definitely a goal for me and my husband, but there is still that desire to birth my own child, to experience bringing a new life into this world.

I have all these dreams and goals, and life is to short...I don't want to spend my whole life catching the wind.

I am sure I sound really indecisive.

Just some thoughts and feelings I had to get off my chest.

I am grateful though that I do have what I have now.
This time in my life is precious, I am learning so much.
God, thank you for being here, for being real. Open my heart and show me what I need to learn during this time in my life.
I have fears...I don't want them.
It's in your hands.

Love,
Jess