sometimes we need the tears to fall down like rain

The past few weeks have been tough.

Having to deal with my brother-in-law, apologizing to him for being a jerk.

Judah and I are taking more responsibility with the house and paying more bills, so I have been looking for another job.

My grandma has been in the hospital since Wednesday.

I have never seen her this way. She is really sick and in the hospital.

I am sure she will be able to go home no later than this week, but deep down inside I am preparing myself. 

Preparing myself for the late night call. 

I've been hanging out with her at the hospital in Valpo. It's been tougher than I thought it would be.

Seeing her lying there, helpless, shaking, a bag of bones. My mom and my aunt, fear in their eyes.

Everytime I've been at the hospital I have been reminded of when I watched my best friend die of cancer 5 years ago.

I just don't want to go through this pain again, but I know it's part of life.

I am learning, I am living.

But I want to keep loving God, for he stays the same, even though so many things change.

When I lead worship this morning in big church, during the 3rd service I broke down crying.

Overwhelmed with sorrow, and stress, and at the same time overwhelmed with God's grace and mercy and how through Christ, the Holy Spirit, I can glorify God, even through my pain, my fear, my sorrow, I can praise Him, and say I don't know what you want from me, I don't know what you need from me, I don't know...But what ever is going on, you are in control.

YOU ARE SOVEREIGN.

But joy, through my trials?

Yes, because God is building my faith, and I am gaining perseverance, to stay strong in Him.

To bring glory to His name and help others who are going through the same thing and show them hope in Christ.

But sometimes I need my tears to fall like rain.

Here are lyrics to a LaRue song that got me through the death of my best friend.

And now they comfort me once more.

And it's OK to cry, it's OK to cry
It's OK to wonder why
And as your tears fall down, they heal the ground
A place that once was dry
It's OK to cry