reflection time.

it's been a while, I know.
I am going to try and be more faithful to keeping up on this blog.
It helps me to feel better at times, just because when I type what I am feeling and read it, then I can make sense of it.
Sometimes I agree and other times I don't, that is after I have read what I have typed.

God is doing a lot in my soul lately.
He has been cleaning and making room for Him.
He has been squished into my heart along with junk and various feelings and emotions, idols and pride.
The walls of my heart were hardened for a while, but now they are softing up since God has made himself more at home.
Which I like actually.

I am learning to be honest.
Honest with myself and honest with God.
He knows me best, but sometimes I don't feel like he does, or I try to impress him, and justify my sin.

He knows all to well that I am sinner, and I know he shakes his head when he looks at me, I know that he thinks I am silly,
And he is constantly reminding me, " Jess you aren't perfect, that is why I sent you my Son, so quit acting like you are, only I am."

Ha, yes! I know it now more than ever, because it's all about letting him shine light in the darkest places.
Why do I hide? Because I am afraid?
Afraid of what?
Admitting that I am wrong, admitting that I am not perfect, and all this admitting goes straight to God.

It's been painful the past few weeks, but I've been finding freedom and redemption in doing so.
I've been confessing so much of my sin to God, to my husband, to my friends and my family and I open and exposed now, vunerable, most of all to God.

Now it hasn't been easy, but it's been liberating.
Liberation is something I haven't experienced in a long Time.

My hearts desire has been to be completely blameless before God, even though I am a sinner.
I want to walk away from my habitual sin and learn how to walk in confidence knowing that my Father in Heaven is constantly shaping me and molding me into His likeness...
BUT only if I let him.

I don't have to be condemened any longer when I choose to clothe myself in HIS righteousness, when I choose his will over my own.

I am more aware than ever of what God is trying to say to me and do in my life.
I truly want more of Him and less of me.


I am even going to make right things that I have made wrong.

And is it going to be easy, no I know it wont.
But this is me taking the next step in my faith, taking action, because faith with out works is dead.
I want to be at peace with God and peace with others and I want to treat my friends and family like I really do love them.

I know I will mess up in the process, but I will keep running this race, and when I am tired I will let God be my strength.

Anyways.

Thanks friends and family.
Thanks for loving me.
Thanks for not giving up on me, for reflecting Christ.