I am gonna do it!!!

2010 summer plans
1)Mo-ped=Mo-money
Please understand me on this one. I know it may seem a little bizarre. You are thinking "Jess must have had her license taken away" but truly that isn't the case.

You see the first vehicle I have ever purchased was a 15 passenger van. It gets about 13 mi. to the gallon.I bought this van for my band, because we travel a lot and play tons of shows, so we need a big van for hauling equipment and people ;-)

Not only do I travel to play shows, I drive to work everyday and need something a little better on gas.

A moped gets 100 mi. to the gallon.Much better, much better.

I will be saving a ton of money.

2) Apples? Yes they are delicious.
You see with all the money I will be saving on gas I can purchase an apple. No explanation needed. Sorry PC users, It's time for me to buy my own computer, and the first one I buy must be an apple.

3) Record(s)???
Yes I am gonna go in the studio and record my 3rd EP with my band The Rendition (www.therendition.com) at Electric Angel Studios (www.myspace.com/electricangelstudios). I am pretty excited.

4) mini-me's
This summer I get to spend all my time with students in 4th grade all the way up to high school. We get to learn about Jesus together, and learn how to use the gifts and talents God has given us through music to share with the world. Again I mention students, because that is pretty awesome!

5) Old is New

By the end of this summer I will be opening up a Vintage Clothing Store with a beautiful young woman, Kathleen.

She inspires me like no other! We are saving our money, we are investing in vintage clothes, we are taking sewing classes, we are designing, creating, recreating, and incorporating the old with the new. Embracing our past to change the future.

We will be giving a percentage of the money we make to help feed and educate kids in third world countries.

I'm excited!!!

I have no clue what is gonna happen! I have no clue how things will go.

But with these plans I am excited to see what God is going to do, regardless.

I am gonna embrace each day as it comes and have as much fun as I can sharing God's story every where I go and all the things I plan to do this summer.

If the plans above happen awesome, and if not God has better plans. Jesus prepare me to do your work:-)

Who am I?

I've had one of those weeks where I started out on a spiritual high and then just ended with a spiritual low, all though since the week isn't finished I can fortunately say that God in His mercy and kindness, pulled me out of my apathy by slapping me across the face with truth. And when truth comes to you, yes it sets you free, but sometimes it really really hurts.

On my way to drop Judah off at work, I was thinking ( I think a lot, too much actually)
My husband and I were talking about Christian theology and politics and my husband lovingly rebuked me in our conversation and told me I am arrogant and merciless, and he is so glad that I am not God.

I took what he said to heart, and started to pray silently.
"God my heart is so hard, I've been taking things into my own hands, please soften my heart, I don't want to push you out of the picture anymore this week."

So as I continued to pray that God would break my hard heart, which had hardened in just a matter of 4 days...4 DAYS!!!! But only 10 minutes later, God answers me.

After I dropped Judah off I turned on the radio and the BBC news came on.
Normally I don't listen, for some odd reason I was interested today.
And I now know why of course.

The top stories announced were coming to a close, when the final story was told.

A hip hop musician in Nigeria, convicted of murder by running over kids at his concert, was bailed out of court because he paid the penalty, a whopping 10,000 rand ($1,360; £900).
Nigeria is in an uproar because they felt he should not have been freed for his careless, evil behavior.

So that is it, he kills innocent kids, and pays for his crime, and is set free.
How wonderful it must be to be let off so easily.

I pulled into a parking spot, parked my car and wept bitterly.
I became enraged, because crimes committed can be overlooked if you have money?
And really $1,360 isn't really all that much, especially when it comes to human life... that says to me that no value is found in children, let alone human life.

In my anger and brokenness for these human lives taken for no apparent reason other than impatience I suppose (why would you run over kids after your own concert?) God began to do something else in my heart, because in the moment of hearing of this crime, all I wanted was justice to be served to this rap artist.


God revealed a few things to me.
1) Who the heck do I think I am.

2) I am constantly angry. And while I get pissed over stupid things, I really need to get angry over injustice so that I can passionately serve those who are suffering from it. But all in all anger is a sin, and sin separates me from God. So I confess my sin to God for being SOO angry all the time ( and I know that I am angry person because people keep pointing this out to me, and lovingly pray for me and encourage me love through Christ's redeeming grace.)

3) The moment that I ask Jesus to forgive me, I am forgiven and then ushered right back into the presence of God by Christ and then the Holy Spirit can continue to finish the good work that was once started in me (all though I am far from completion, way to far from it)

4) God asks me .. "Who do you think you are?"
God is so merciful, because he loves me though I am a sinner, and he not only loves me, he really does love all who come to true repentance, that is why he came, to rescue all who have sinned, everyone.

See even though that hip hop artist ran over those children in Nigeria and killed them, he is no more evil than I am.
I am just as wrong as he is, in fact I am worse because I know of God's love, mercy and grace because of the death and resurrection of Jesus.
I am a freaking huge hypocrite, who really is angry at everyone all the time, and shows no mercy and no grace to anyone. I am prideful, and I think I am better than everyone else. I am the same as a murderer, sinful and evil.

I am reading this book called Ancient-Future Worship and the author Bob Webber defines evil like this
" Evil is not a mere absence of good or moral failure. Evil is human refusal to carry out God's purposes. Evil is deliberate, intentional, and violent rejection of God. It is a choice to unfold culture away from God. It is life and work in the service of Satan--the anti-God--the father of all that is sin and death in the world."

So there it is, I am equal to everyone else in this world, sinful. There is nothing I can do to make myself right before God. The only means of rescue from my sin is through Christ, He does the saving, as soon as we repent and believe. And if God can rescue me from an evil, sinful heart, filled with pride, anger then how much more can he rescue a hip hop artist that bails his way out of the murder of innocent children?

You see the hip hop artist paid to get out of his sin with money, bailed and free to go.
I pay to get out of my sin by justifying my sin. I tell myself, just like the pharisees that I am so wonderful because of all the good things I do. But Jesus calls me a dirty dish (Luke 11:37-53).
Clean on the outside, but utterly disgusting on the inside.

But I really wonder what that guy must feel?
He has to feel something in his heart...who am I? I am not God I don't understand anyone, not even my own heart, so I could I know that other guy's soul?

my heart turns from hard, bitter angry, to weeping, to soft and open, and now I am asking myself this question...

Who am I?...
Jess Strantz, prideful, arrogant, merciless, angry and unloving, the same as a murderer.
Because in my hard heart, sinful and separate from God, I am nothing on my own but evil and disgusting, and no good deed on my own could ever bail myself out of the prison of sin and death.
But God calls us back into his love and kindness through Christ and the work of the Spirit.
He calls us out of darkness into his light.

Romans 6:6 Says, " And if they are saved by God's kindness, then it is not by their good works, for in that case, God's wonderful kindness would not be what it really is- free and undeserved."


You know what,
I am so thankful that God can break our hard hearts.
I am so thankful that He can forgive me for my evil, and sin.
I am so thankful that He can forgive that hip hop artist.
I am thankful that God can do anything he wishes to do which is always good, and always ends up being for his glory.

I don't want to hate people and be angry at them all the time.
I want to love people like God loves me.

I want to pray for those who don't know God's kindness, or Christ and his death and resurrection.

I want to show mercy, just like Jesus does.

I want to be ready to share all that Christ has done, so that all can know, repent and believe, and be bailed out of evil and sin, complete and whole and no longer broken, rescued and healed because of God's loving kindness.


So who am I?

Jess Strantz.
Sinful, but forgiven, Learning who God is, Learning to confess my need for Christ everyday, Learning to live through the Holy Spirit so I can be more like Jesus and share him with this very lost and dying world.


Salvation is here, and ready for all who confess and believe.

Peace and Joy

The year is coming to a close, and I am excited about it.
I am looking forward to a new year and new and much deeper relationship with Christ.
I've had some pretty heartbreaking moments these past months. And the Lord has put me through the fire to refine me, in ways I couldn't imagine.

While it's hurt, I've come to see how the events leading up to now have been for the better and are shaping my character, one that is in, and of Christ.

I am finding peace and joy in His coming, His arrival!! The Child Born in a manger, to rescue us when we were utterly helpless.

I am thankful for what He has done.

Christ has come to us, so that we can come to Him.

Romans 5:1-11

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^a]">[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^b]">[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we^c]">[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Sojourning Siblings: Day 3

Yeah it was amazing.

Sojourning Siblings: Day 2

We are exhausted from over 30 hours of driving, in less than 2 days.
But all I can Say is: We are having fun :-)

Maybe tomorrow I will have something spiritual to say (we are going to the Grand Canyon tomorrow). Another adventure my brother Josh and I have desired to visit ever since we were little squirts.

But there are a few things you can pray about specifically.

1)that I will be a servant of Christ to my brother, Opa, and uncle with tons of LOVE.

2)that I will stay focused on Jesus, through prayer and the word (it's been difficult for me I confess, and that is why I am confessing) and to keep my mind set on things above.

3)that during this time apart from my husband, we would grow even more fond of each other than we already are. I miss my Judah so much, I know he misses me too.

4)that I never forget how awesome this time with my brother Josh is, because this is one of the best things that has ever happened to me in our entire relationship as siblings.

God is a God of hope and restoration.

Sojourning Siblings Day 1

This is an account of my travelings with my younger brother Josh.

Both Josh and I grew up on the road, but since I married and moved out of the house, it's been years since the two of us have been on the road together.

I am going to do the best I can to update everyday of our trip.

The goal for this trip was to go to Three places my brother desired most to visit.

(secret agenda, I want to know my brother more, and I want to grow in the Lord with my brother ;-))

1)St. Louis Arch

2)Albuquerque, New Mexico

3)The Skywalk in the Grand Canyon.

Today we mark the first part of our adventure, the Arch.

It's something both Josh and I have longed to visit ever since we were little.

We used to live in Kansas, and my dad would travel to St. Louis often,

So we would go with him.

We were always in awe of The Arch, but mother wouldn't take us.

Fear I suppose.

It is a terrifying structure, so I could understand her reasoning.

But now that Josh and I are adults, we figured we would take tons of pictures,

and share with you the joy of finally being able to set foot inside this awesome architecture.

So after 14 hours of driving and exploring the midwest (Indiana, to Oklahoma)
we have reached our first destination for lodging,Oklahoma City.

Tomorrow we are off to Arizona.

I am so glad that on this trip, I can enjoy who God is, through his creation and the company of my brother.

So I end with this.

Psalm 67:1-3 (The Message)
God, mark us with grace and blessing! Smile! The whole country will see how you work, all the godless nations see how you save. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Let all far-flung people become happy and shout their happiness because You judge them fair and square, you tend the far-flung peoples. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Earth, display your exuberance! You mark us with blessing, O God, our God. You mark us with blessing, O God. Earth's four corners—honor him!

It's an answer to prayer to see my brother happy.

RIGHT NOW!

Again, I am writing, but now it's what, 3 months later. Tomorrow is October 1st.
I can't believe that for 3 months I have allowed myself to be eaten up by the monster of over working, amongst the sermon manuscripts, callsheets, schedules for 3 ministries, 4 weekly music practices all inside the belly of this horrifying creature...which I made up to help myself see the true reality of my business.
Finally I gave up.
I put of the white flag of surrender.
Even now as I am typing this my eyes are dry, and they burn.
I've been up since 6:40am.
Now for some people this is nothing, but not for someone like me who goes to be at 2am every night almost.

I am creature of habit, so going to bed early isn't something I will be able to do overnight (hahaha, this statement is funny to me).

I become most creative after everyone is asleep, after most business have been closed for at least 3 hours, when all I can see out my back window are the stars in the sky and the warm glow from the city lights, which is very faint, considering I live in Mishawaka, IN. Small city, but greatly appreciated because of the community I am nestling into quite nicely,
After 6 years.


God has been in everything over these past 3 months.
I am excited to say, more and more.
And I look back, and I look forward, and then God says:

"STOP!"

Stop what?

"STOP!"

Just stop, be quiet, learn how to live NOW!
Right now!


Just 6 weeks ago I gathered outside the underground cafe after a show with a group of young adults.
The conversation began with, oh I don't know... Philosophy and a bit of Psychology.

Now I don't claim to be a pro in these areas, but some how this spurred on a conversation on demonic oppression, and confused emotions in the human mind and soul. Is it Satan's fault or God's fault for people to need counsel and rehabilitation from their demented conditions.

I, finally after all these years of being raised a Christian home respond with the answer that would convince you I was a follower of Christ...
"Well it doesn't really matter if someone is demon possessed, or emotionally scarred, everyone needs Jesus, and everyone needs prayer, and really we don't need to blame anyone, Satan or God...if someone desperately needs help, we should help them. And pray for wisdom on how to help them."

With that answer, more people crowded around me.
I was a little scared because now I had a crowd, and people started asking me questions, about life really, and how to live for Jesus, all the time, every where, any place.

I came to the realization that I live to much in my past, and to much in my future, and I forget to live now.

I shared this of course with my new friends, who were listening to every word I was saying.
I told them that Jesus wants us to focus on Today, because tomorrow has enough trouble.
That God wants us to focus on him in every moment, to seek opportunities to share His love, no matter where we are, or what we do.


As I am saying all this, I noticed that everyone was silent.
Most of the time when I talk to a group of people, a few will listen and the rest just walk away...but more and more people joined in and listened.

Before I knew it, I had other friends who were commenting about living a life for Christ, and they began to share God's word, and we all began to lift one another up with encouragement from the Lord.

It was one of the sweetest moments in my life because I realize how Christ was drawing these people through the words, which is the Word, coming out of my mouth...

For the most part after our conversation I began to see that these people were Christians.
I saw them as thirsty and dry, but filled when me and a few others began to speak God's truth.

Many of them were worn out and felt condemned because of the guilt in their life because they weren't the super Christians they wanted to be.

The conversation just kept coming back to Christ, and the grace and mercy, hope and love given at the cross, and the Holy Spirit, that now resides in us because of Jesus!


I could tell our conversation was coming to an end,
But the Lord told me to pray for everyone.
And so we did...
and you know what....
Everyone prayed, every single person.
It was precious.
Amazing.
Satisfying.

And more people joined in and prayed with us!
People who weren't even part of the conversation.

It was amazing.
We all ended our prayer with our hands all stacked up together in the center and gave a grand Cheer of "RIGHT NOW!"

And God helped me to realize, that living Right now for Him,
is the best thing I could ever do.
And it frees me up from my past, and my future, and I don't need to fear when I am focused on Christ, Right Now!

It's hard for me still to do that, but with his help, it becomes more natural.
I am excited!
And I see him moving all the time because of it.

In the small things, big things, extraordinary, and mundane.

But all in all everything belongs to him.
The glory, the praise, the honor, and RIGHT NOW.


And Right now I am going to end this blog.

so the past few months have been learning experiences that I hope I never forget.
I haven't been able to blog for the past few months because I have been so busy.
I've been overwhelmed with my 3 jobs, summer, my band, family, weddings, graduations, and oh yeah, being a wife.
Sometimes I feel like I can't get everything done.
So many things are left unfinished.

A lot has been going through me head though.
I have been doing a lot of ministry outside the church.
More than ever, which I am glad about, but it has me thinking.

I've been stepping out of my comfort zone, I've been meeting up with people I don't even know.
I am reconciling broken relationships, I am making phone calls (which I hate doing)
I am exposing my heart to people I never would.
I am working harder than I have ever before.

I am trying to do church outside the church, it it's making my life feel complete.
I am loving that every where I go there are people I can meet, love, and encourage.
It's not easy, but God is really helping me.
I really want to keep focusing on Him, and doing what the Holy Spirit wants.

It's been really neat too, to see my band grow.
As we stepping out in faith, playing shows, sharing God's love, we are getting favor with people.
It's been cool to see how God is using us together.
I want more of this.

I am finding more and more, what my purpose in life is.
To be a servant, everywhere I go, whatever I do.
Sometimes I forget, actually a lot I do, but Jesus is being faithful to remind me, and I learning how to hear his voice.

I am excited to see what God is going to do in everyone's lives, the people I am meeting, the old friends that are coming back into the picture, and the new friends I am making.


And none of this has to do with being inside the 4 walls of a church.

I feel like I am in Church more when I am doing my everyday routines, then when I am actually in Church on Sunday, or in the office during the week.
I have more friends outside the church, then inside the church, and I have more people I can trust outside of church then inside of church.

When I think of family, I don't think of my church... I think of the people around me who are struggling in their faith, who are broken, who doing drugs, who are drinking, who are questioning life, people who are falling apart, and will admitt it.

I am a little sad that I can't call my church a family... but I am glad that I can call broken people my family... because I know God is working in their lives.

I feel like where ever I go, church can happen. I think this can happen with anyone, anytime, anywhere... when Christ is the center.
We all need God, and we can find Him and connect closer to Him and help others to do the same, when we are willing to be his hands and feet where ever we go.

I have a lot I am thinking through...
and I hope to figure things out... my life is changing... and my perception of church is changing...
I am not who I was 2 months ago.

But I believe it's for the better.
Because the good work God has started in each and everyone of us, will be complete. And this makes me very happy!

Let's go to the mountain!

I am in Arizona for the next few days with my Grandpa, Brother and Uncle. And this is what I get to see every day, almost every where I go.

every time I see this, my heart wants to explode with joy, and I praise Him, every time I see these mountains, because our God is an awesome God.

Now I know that climbing this mountain isn't going to bring me closer to God, but there is something inside me, that every time I look at the mountain I think of Moses, and how wonderful his time was with the Lord, Just God and Moses. And my heart longs for that.

I know that God meets with me where ever I am at, I mean the Holy Spirit lives inside me, but I just wish I could climb to the top and shout praises to God! And hear my voice echo through the canyons. Just typing this, makes me cry, because it's so beautiful, amazing, breath taking!! My heart can't help but worship our awesome God!

"Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths." Isaiah 2:3

baggage

I finally finished my sermon.
I am excited about it.
I feel like I am getting a little better at this, a little.

I am talking about baggage(sin) and how we need to let Jesus take it all and how we can
live our life in complete surrender everyday!

I wish I had more time to explain what I am going to do,
But my illustration of getting rid of baggage is awesome!!!
Thanks to Jesus and friends!!

And the message is only 4 pages long.
Not bad :-)
But I did rewrite 3 times.

bring it on!

I am a little overwhelmed this week...
but I can handle it.

I am teaching again next week in vertical.
Can't wait.
The series is called,
"Keep Your Eyes on the Prize"

haha, I came up with it one day when I was reading

Hebrews 12:1-3

God Disciplines His Sons 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.


I am excited to teach about keeping our eyes on Jesus.
When we are focused on him, nothing else matters.

So here's to juggling my 3 jobs, and then teaching in the next two weeks!!!

Can't wait till vacation.
I need one.

It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't get it before...

So it's like this.

Matthew 22:36-40

36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

If 1) I am loving God, spending each day getting to know him more through prayer, the word, living my life through Christ in complete surrender and obedience through his grace and mercy,
and 2) loving the people that God has put in my life each day, being a blessing, serving as Christ served, in complete and total humility, thinking more of others than myself...


Well I guess it doesn't really matter what I am doing or who I am as long as I am doing those two things.

I could be a janitor scrubbing toilets, I could be clerk, an artist, an athlete, a mom, a sister, friend, a student, a car sales man, an astronaut, a scientist, a comedian, a chef, anything really...

And as long as I am loving God and loving people, nothing really matters, because I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing :-)

I don't really care what I am in life,
as long as people see me as someone who loves Jesus and people.


That is what I pray becomes most important in my life, and all who claim to follow Christ.

Oprah, Come and Rescue Us.

This is what I am doing to stop the war in Africa.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MC0hBf6wtI

Now this is what you can do to help.

watch the Oprah Winfrey Show today at 4pm.

it just hurts

Aaron Busenbark, has left the band.
It hurts really bad.
This is the first week he is officially gone, and it feels empty.
I mean these past few months have been a pain in the rear, but now that he is really gone, it just doesn't feel the same.
He's my little bro. Jess Stacy feels the same way. We are heartbroken.

We've been working with a new drummer, and have had another person interested in playing with us, but it just isn't the same. It's like Aaron has died, and we'll never see him again.
I know that God is good no matter what.

Please pray for Aaron,
Pray that he would truly know Christ.

Pray that we all would, that we would love & live for Him and only Him.

Empower, don't manipulate...

So I am struggling with my students, maybe it's because I don't have kids of my own, so I am missing out on the joys of parenting, or maybe it's because I am just a JERK! A merciless Jerk.

Yep. I will go with that one. I am jerk. (There I confessed my sin, I feel a little better).

So it's on the issue of worship.
Now when I say worship I mean this...
wor·ship(wûr'shĭp) Pronunciation Key n.
The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.
The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed.
Ardent devotion; adoration.

So yeah, with the students, we sing songs, I teach them to play music, to play their instruments well, to sing beautifully, and even if they mess up to give God their imperfections.
So we have the adoration down. That is great, they do this ONCE a week.

We pray together, I don't want to underestimate my students, but we do that together ONCE to TWICE a week ( I hope they do more than that on their own)

But what about the rest.
Reverent love and devotion???

So that is what I've been trying to do, teach them love and devotion to God.
You can't make anyone do anything, and I don't want to manipulate.
So I live by example and give them opportunities to step out and LOVE God, and DEVOTE their live's to Him, through worship.
Not music, which is better known as worship.

Okay, so the two things I've been working on are this:

1. I am trying to teach the kids about giving their money to the Lord, to help others.
So we are raising money to help a child in Iraq get heart surgery done. It's with an organization called, Buyshoessavelives.com.

I've made them aware, told them, to put in $5 a week, that is like 50 cents a day, towards this,
nothing. I told them penny's. Sell things they don't need or use anymore, replace your coke, or candy, energy drinks for the week with an opportunity to give, and save a life.
I gave them scriptures, I was even the first person give,
But nothing.
They pray "God, we're so excited about helping save a life, this will be awesome!"
Well yay! They prayed that, but they aren't doing anything.

I told them we could have a garage sale.
Play a show and raise money that way, have a bake sale.
They we're all fine with that.

I don't know how to motivate them.

So second
2. We have an event coming up at the Homeless Center,
and none of them can make it.
They keep giving me excuses.
I tell them that Worshiping God is giving your time, and helping those in need.

So I guess I am going to go to the Homeless Center alone, or cancel.

I don't want them to feel manipulated.
I don't want them to hate me, or feel forced to Love God.

They don't live with me everyday, so they don't see what I do outside the church.
I wish they could, because I think it would help, but all in all,
I am running out of ideas.
I am finding no joy in this.

My heart breaks because of selfish this world is.

I want to reverse this.
But I just feel like giving up.
If I do though, then I am a failure.

I know that God has called me to do this, I just am running out of ideas.
I want to empower them,
to Give them a reason.
I teach to them every week about this,
giving your time, money, resources, LIFE, to Christ,

so I figured instead of talking about it every week,
we will DO something.

And now that we are doing something,
nothing is happening.

I feel like I am failing.










But,
there is hope, I know.
Just because things are difficult, or aren't going the way I planned doesn't mean it won't eventually happen.
I just thought my kids we're ready to step out in their faith, and Trust God on a deeper level.


If you have anything encouraging to say,
or if you want to correct me in my thinking,
or if you want to give me ideas, a Bible verse, something.
Or even prayer, I would greatly appreciate this.


I am open minded right now.
I don't know anything about what I am doing.
I am just trying to figure things out along the way, and the only way that is going to happen is if I get my hands dirty.

anticipating

I love Jesus so much,
He really makes me happy!!! Even when things don't make sense.
I am just excited to see what God is doing in my life and the people's lives around me.
I am blown away by His mercy and grace!!!!
I can't wait to see what He will do!!!!
Even though I have no clue what to expect.
I like it that way, because I am anticipating the hope of glory, the good work that has been started, for it to be finished, no matter how long it takes, I want to live in grace, walk humbly, love mercy, and act justly, through Christ, live to give, and keep my eyes on the prize.

So I'm gonna be 22 this year.
No big deal I suppose, But I've seen such a dramatic change in my life I don't know what to do with myself.
I actually feel like I have changed.
Over the past 4 years, since I've been married, I haven't felt any different. I felt awkward because I didn't really know who I was, or what to do, but now that I've been on my own with just my husband for almost one year, I finally feel like I am me, or like I am becoming who I am supposed to be, especially in Christ.
I am learning how to make decisions for myself and my family, ministry, I am learning to let go, I am learning to be okay with who I am, with the mercies that are given to us, everyday, new, fresh, filled with Life through Christ.
I am excited for the adventures to come, especially with my husband.
I finally feel like we're ready!!!
To start hiking, up the side of the mountain.

I am hungry to know my Creator, to be satisfied in Him.
I think I am getting that lately.

I feel so happy when I think of God, even when it comes to the things that are difficult to accomplish, but it's not me anyways who does, it's his grace.

But I mean even when I feel down about at first, he helps me to see the bigger picture, HIM!

I've been taking a break from my normal schedule, and just kind of letting it be, life, whatever I suppose and God has been blessing that.

I am learning to take time to Praise him!
To thank Him for what He has done in my life, and the people around me.
I am excited, more and more about Christ and the power of His resurrection.

It's tough stuff to swallow, and even more to digest.
But oh well, that is the price I must pay,
but I want Christ to my focus and my end goal.


Really that is it.
Nothing else matters.

Does anyone feel the same way?

Post 100

Well I would like to congratulate myself for making it to 100 posts.
I've skimmed over a few of them in the past couple months and I have seen how far I've come, which makes me feel a bit encouraged I suppose.

Anyways.
This past weekend was really really tough for me.
You see I recorded with my band Friday, Saturday & Sunday, over 24 hours of recording.
I got really sick Friday, and I was having a really bad day.
I was very angry at my band mates, well because of numerous reasons, I don't really care to share right now.
So we got to the recording studio, I apologized to them, asked them to pray with me, they did not, so because they didn't I became even more angry, so I got out of the car as calmly as I could, and I started walking.
I walked a good 2 miles.
I called my husband up and complained about what a sucky day I was having.
I wasn't able to be with him on Friday, so it was very hard on me having to connect with him via texting and phone calls.
I cussed my heart out to him, using just about every word in the book, I told him to pray for me, he did and then we hung up after saying "I love you".

I was trudging down CR 28 in Goshen, and finally I shut my freaking mind up and started to listen, then I prayed and the Lord made something very clear to me.
I worry about everyone else about me, and their relationship with him, so much so that I forgot about my own.
WOW!
I found it kinda funny that I started praying,
Jesus, please help me to worry about me and you, instead of them and you.

At first I thought it was selfish, but then I realized how it isn't.
How on earth am I suppose to do anything for Him, if I am not worried about what He thinks of me, or how he feels about me, and the things I am doing in my life, pertaining to a life of worship, and complete surrender.

I felt pretty happy, that finally after such a frustrating day, He told me to worry about "US."
Me and Jesus.
It sounds kinda cheesy,
But God is a jealous God,
He wants all of me, not left overs, or opinions that never go anywhere.

I want Him to have all of me.
Really I do.

So anyway.
I continued back to the recording studio.
I felt better for a while, until I drew nearer to my destination.

I didn't want to be with my "friends."
I didn't want to record.
I just wanted to stay outside on the country road, alone with Jesus.

But I had to be with them, for the next 2 days, and I had to face them.

SO I asked Him for Grace, to Love them, and He did.
As I finished my walk down the road, with the Lord, I asked him if he wanted me to quit the band, maybe become a speaker, or a stay at home mom, what ever He wants,
JUST LET ME KNOW!

haha, no response.
I walked through the door of the studio,
sat down,
and went through my things, getting my equipment ready.

I got a phone call.
A lady from my church wants me to come and speak to speak to her homeschool group about how I didn't date, but how I waited for the Lord to bring me my husband.
I told her I would love to.

I hung up,
and remembered my prayer,
And all though I didn't get a straight up answer from God, he did give a little confirmation,
I suppose I am doing all the things I need to be doing, and he will open up the door for more opportunities,
but today I just need to love Him.
And tomorrow, and the rest of my life.
And I need to share with others what He has done in my life, and what He has done for each and every one of us through his Son, Jesus.

I am learning more and more what it means to live a life of worship to Him in Spirit and in Truth,
yeah I am frustrated that I don't get things right away, and that I have to learn the hard way, most of the time.
But He is patient, and gracious.

I need Him.
So for post 100,
I'm pretty happy that He keeps revealing his unending love to me.
I am sure he will for 100 and 1,000, 1million more.

I'm fighting myself.
I don't want to win, I just want Jesus to.
So here we go.
I surrender.

Patience Tried, all I can do is smile

So having kids of my own isn't something that will happen very soon, well to your standards, but to me soon is 6 years from now, after I have celebrated my 10th year anniversary.
So in the mean time I've been surrounding myself with kids, Middle school, High school, 4th and 5th grade. Especially because I genuinely love being around them.
The great thing for me is though, when I am done hanging out with them they get to go home to their parents. Easy for me right ?
I also have been having making an effort to spend quality time with my niece and nephews, at least once a month.
This past weekend they came over, and it was really fun.
But I came upon some issues, I suppose I can call it preparation for when I have a clan of my own.

You see, I needed to be somewhere at 6:30pm. I had 40 min. to drop them off back home (two different places). I told them a half hour prior to leaving that we needed to start packing up all their things (I never realized how many things 3 kids could bring over, for just 1 night, not even 24 hours, haha, man my parents dealt with so much with me!).

So the two oldest, start packing up their stuff.
Oh I forgot to mention, they didn't eat any food the entire time they were at the house, they ate nothing but popcorn and cookies, I finally made them pancakes, and ran out of batter, at 5:00 in the evening.
Okay, sorry about that. So the oldest two were ready to go, I now had a half hour to drive on opposite sides of town. I'm in the car waiting on the littlest one.

So after waiting for quite some time, I run in the house, and find him still standing in the hallway, taking his precious time.
I didn't want to get mad at him, so I kindly motivated him to hurry up.
Well that didn't work. He still needed to pack his bag, and put his shoes on, we couldn't find his socks, haha, and his jacket.
That is another story.

His jacket is one of those reversible ones. Since I am not a parent I am not up to tabs on the cool technology of outerwear. So anyways, I am trying to help him get his jacket on, turn it ride side in/out, and well we finally get one sleeve on, but the other is stuck, he already has his snow gloves on, but they are to huge and so his hands don't fit through his jacket.
Frustrated to the core of my being, all I could do was laugh. I didn't want to make him feel bad.

I was reminded that I need to be patient. He's just a kid and if I am late I am late, get over it.

So I grab the rest of his belongings, manage to zip him up in his jacket, with no hands and get to the car.

I get in on my side, and see that little Killean can not get the door open (since he has no hands).
The other two start laughing at him, I laugh because I can't do anything else.
He slips on the ice, lays outside the car, while I lean over and get the door open.
I help him in. Hand less, he attempts to shut the door, and fails to, because he left one leg in the door, and tries shutting it with his leg jammed in the frame.
I continue laughing, (now he thinks he is a comedian) but deep down inside I want to scream.

Finally we take off, I am now drifting off into space, thinking of the best/safest/quickest way to get all of them home.

Killean breaks my train of thought,
"I got it!!!"
"What?" I ask.
"My hands! They are free!"

I laugh again.

And again.
and again.
Even now, through out the week, I laugh about this.

I am so glad that God is patient with us.
That he doesn't give up, that he doesn't yell at us, I wonder if at times he laughs at us.
I suppose he does.

I learned a valuble lesson.
Really I did.

Laughing made that frustrating experience so much more hilarious to me.
IF I would have gotten angry, it wouldn't be very funny.
well to me at least.

Life is short, and we need to have moments of joy, through frustration.
I am not ready to be a mom, but this doesn't stop me from ever wanting to become one.
I am just glad that I get to experience life like this.
I just want to enjoy these moments.
My neice and nephews will grow up sooner than I think, they already are.

But whatever may be, I want to thank the Lord, joyously for loving us!
And so we can love others!

Think of this,

It takes more muscles to frown then to smile.
It's easier to smile.
I think that says a lot about our God.