everything is illuminated

2011-07-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

9 weeks and some odd days

2011-05-23T18:48:00.001-07:00

These past two months have been very humbling for me. I've discovered more things about myself than I ever thought I would in an entire lifetime.

During the season of Lent, as I was preparing my heart for the resurrection of Jesus Christ with my church family, I went through a daily devotional, which started each day and ended each day with the same structure and prayers (different scriptures however each day). Every evening I would pray this line "Show me the truth about myself". Little did I know that it wouldn't just be a prayer that would be answered momentarily so I might be able to confess to Lord my need for him, but that simple prayer has become a means of shaping who I am daily...with almost every breath I breath now.

Everyday now I am faced with the truth, of myself, and the truth of God's love not just for myself, but every person I know and meet, and see.

At this moment I am ready to burst into tears at the thought of how much truth has been revealed in my life these past 9 weeks since Lent began, and now it's the Easter Season according to the church calendar, and only a week away from the Ascension Day, the day Jesus went to heaven, promising his Disciples that he will never leave them, and sending them out to do his work, and filling them with His Spirit, I find myself anxious, in a good way, awaiting this time of Pentecost.

I finally realize that I don't have everything figured out, and I really don't think I ever will. All I know is that I want to love people, the way God has loved me these past 9 weeks.

I went from denial, to doubt, to complete and total contemplation of apostasy!

I was Peter who denied Christ, I was disobedient Moses, I was Thomas who doubted and wanted proof, I was Judas who wanted money more than the bread of life, I was Jacob who wrestled with God. I was exactly who I didn't want to be, and never wanted to admit I would be, but in the midst of all my wreckage, sin, brokenness, Love came down and rescued me. God showed me mercy and grace, and continues to even more than ever because I finally realize how much he is all I need.

I am so grateful that I'm learning to die to myself and the person that I was, that Christ is emptying me out, so that there is room for him, room for his love so that I can share it with everyone I see.

I think I am beginning to understand what it means to die and rise in Christ. All I know is I am done talking about and dreaming of the person I wish I was, and I am so ready to live in the truth of who I am, who God has created me to be and the fullness of my identity in Jesus Christ.

I anticipate greatly the upcoming events in God's story! I'm reminded once again that I don't need to prove anything, just to love the hell out of everyone I meet as he increases and I decrease.

Thanks God for continuously showing me the truth about myself, it hurts only for a short while, but it's not so bad now that I know how much you love me.

This probably won't make sense...I just need to get it off my chest.

2011-05-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I could just write these extraordinary blogs that will change people's lives forever, or at least mess with their brain, but it's not who I am.

Sometimes I really want to write music that will stir something new in someone's heart and mind, help them think or feel something they haven't before, but I don't think I will.

Sometimes I really want to be successful, I mean failures are welcome, but in mostly everything I do success and accomplishment. You know some people just have a gift for casting vision, and helping others buy into what they are doing, But I just don't and can't seem to do it.

Sometimes I really want to be very like-able. You know the person everyone wants to be around, the one who get's invited to many dinners, and parties, and events, but deep down inside if I were to ever be that person, I'd hate myself cause I'd end of being even more fake than I already am, and I can't really handle being someone I'm not.

Sometimes I wish I was more intelligent, be able to speak my mind clearly, and not stumble over my words, stutter and get nervous because I can't think straight when I am in front of people. I don't think I'll ever be good at that.

Sometimes I wish people would laugh with me more, because sometimes it's all I want to do, it helps me feel better, but I get afraid that if I laugh to much people will think I am to silly.

Sometimes I want to go back to college, just so I can say I an expert in something. But in all reality I get overwhelmed with finances and the ability to actually get through academically. Sometimes I want it more just to shut people up.

Sometimes I don't want to grow up because I like to see the world from a simpler perspective, trust everyone I meet, love them for who they are, and keep dreaming,

But then I get hurt, and I get discouraged, and then I don't want to give anything of myself anymore.

Sometimes I want to control everything in my life because if I do I feel like I can accomplish more on my own.

Sometimes when I see all the things I wanna be, and the things I want to try to accomplish, I realize how selfish I am and how fruitless this all is... I only want to be and do those things because I feel like I have something to prove...because there is so much I can do on my own, why not do them??

How foolish am I?

None of this will get me anywhere, none of this will make me happy. And life isn't about me getting what I want. My identity can never be found in those things.

I am weak, pathetic... I try so hard to find my identity in myself, and what I do :-(

But I know for certain I am loved by God.

Despite all the things I am and I am not,

this is what I can say,

that this is what I want despite all my "sometimes"...

John 15

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you,that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Yeah.

Jesus, I will find myself IN YOU.

thanks.

I am gonna do it!!!

2010-05-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

2010 summer plans
1)Mo-ped=Mo-money
Please understand me on this one. I know it may seem a little bizarre. You are thinking "Jess must have had her license taken away" but truly that isn't the case.

You see the first vehicle I have ever purchased was a 15 passenger van. It gets about 13 mi. to the gallon.I bought this van for my band, because we travel a lot and play tons of shows, so we need a big van for hauling equipment and people ;-)

Not only do I travel to play shows, I drive to work everyday and need something a little better on gas.

A moped gets 100 mi. to the gallon.Much better, much better.

I will be saving a ton of money.

2) Apples? Yes they are delicious.
You see with all the money I will be saving on gas I can purchase an apple. No explanation needed. Sorry PC users, It's time for me to buy my own computer, and the first one I buy must be an apple.

3) Record(s)???
Yes I am gonna go in the studio and record my 3rd EP with my band The Rendition (www.therendition.com) at Electric Angel Studios (www.myspace.com/electricangelstudios). I am pretty excited.

4) mini-me's
This summer I get to spend all my time with students in 4th grade all the way up to high school. We get to learn about Jesus together, and learn how to use the gifts and talents God has given us through music to share with the world. Again I mention students, because that is pretty awesome!

5) Old is New

By the end of this summer I will be opening up a Vintage Clothing Store with a beautiful young woman, Kathleen.

She inspires me like no other! We are saving our money, we are investing in vintage clothes, we are taking sewing classes, we are designing, creating, recreating, and incorporating the old with the new. Embracing our past to change the future.

We will be giving a percentage of the money we make to help feed and educate kids in third world countries.

I'm excited!!!

I have no clue what is gonna happen! I have no clue how things will go.

But with these plans I am excited to see what God is going to do, regardless.

I am gonna embrace each day as it comes and have as much fun as I can sharing God's story every where I go and all the things I plan to do this summer.

If the plans above happen awesome, and if not God has better plans. Jesus prepare me to do your work:-)

Who am I?

2010-03-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

I've had one of those weeks where I started out on a spiritual high and then just ended with a spiritual low, all though since the week isn't finished I can fortunately say that God in His mercy and kindness, pulled me out of my apathy by slapping me across the face with truth. And when truth comes to you, yes it sets you free, but sometimes it really really hurts.

On my way to drop Judah off at work, I was thinking ( I think a lot, too much actually)
My husband and I were talking about Christian theology and politics and my husband lovingly rebuked me in our conversation and told me I am arrogant and merciless, and he is so glad that I am not God.

I took what he said to heart, and started to pray silently.
"God my heart is so hard, I've been taking things into my own hands, please soften my heart, I don't want to push you out of the picture anymore this week."

So as I continued to pray that God would break my hard heart, which had hardened in just a matter of 4 days...4 DAYS!!!! But only 10 minutes later, God answers me.

After I dropped Judah off I turned on the radio and the BBC news came on.
Normally I don't listen, for some odd reason I was interested today.
And I now know why of course.

The top stories announced were coming to a close, when the final story was told.

A hip hop musician in Nigeria, convicted of murder by running over kids at his concert, was bailed out of court because he paid the penalty, a whopping 10,000 rand ($1,360; £900).
Nigeria is in an uproar because they felt he should not have been freed for his careless, evil behavior.

So that is it, he kills innocent kids, and pays for his crime, and is set free.
How wonderful it must be to be let off so easily.

I pulled into a parking spot, parked my car and wept bitterly.
I became enraged, because crimes committed can be overlooked if you have money?
And really $1,360 isn't really all that much, especially when it comes to human life... that says to me that no value is found in children, let alone human life.

In my anger and brokenness for these human lives taken for no apparent reason other than impatience I suppose (why would you run over kids after your own concert?) God began to do something else in my heart, because in the moment of hearing of this crime, all I wanted was justice to be served to this rap artist.

God revealed a few things to me.
1) Who the heck do I think I am.

2) I am constantly angry. And while I get pissed over stupid things, I really need to get angry over injustice so that I can passionately serve those who are suffering from it. But all in all anger is a sin, and sin separates me from God. So I confess my sin to God for being SOO angry all the time ( and I know that I am angry person because people keep pointing this out to me, and lovingly pray for me and encourage me love through Christ's redeeming grace.)

3) The moment that I ask Jesus to forgive me, I am forgiven and then ushered right back into the presence of God by Christ and then the Holy Spirit can continue to finish the good work that was once started in me (all though I am far from completion, way to far from it)

4) God asks me .. "Who do you think you are?"
God is so merciful, because he loves me though I am a sinner, and he not only loves me, he really does love all who come to true repentance, that is why he came, to rescue all who have sinned, everyone.

See even though that hip hop artist ran over those children in Nigeria and killed them, he is no more evil than I am.
I am just as wrong as he is, in fact I am worse because I know of God's love, mercy and grace because of the death and resurrection of Jesus.
I am a freaking huge hypocrite, who really is angry at everyone all the time, and shows no mercy and no grace to anyone. I am prideful, and I think I am better than everyone else. I am the same as a murderer, sinful and evil.

I am reading this book called Ancient-Future Worship and the author Bob Webber defines evil like this
" Evil is not a mere absence of good or moral failure. Evil is human refusal to carry out God's purposes. Evil is deliberate, intentional, and violent rejection of God. It is a choice to unfold culture away from God. It is life and work in the service of Satan--the anti-God--the father of all that is sin and death in the world."

So there it is, I am equal to everyone else in this world, sinful. There is nothing I can do to make myself right before God. The only means of rescue from my sin is through Christ, He does the saving, as soon as we repent and believe. And if God can rescue me from an evil, sinful heart, filled with pride, anger then how much more can he rescue a hip hop artist that bails his way out of the murder of innocent children?

You see the hip hop artist paid to get out of his sin with money, bailed and free to go.
I pay to get out of my sin by justifying my sin. I tell myself, just like the pharisees that I am so wonderful because of all the good things I do. But Jesus calls me a dirty dish (Luke 11:37-53).
Clean on the outside, but utterly disgusting on the inside.

But I really wonder what that guy must feel?
He has to feel something in his heart...who am I? I am not God I don't understand anyone, not even my own heart, so I could I know that other guy's soul?

my heart turns from hard, bitter angry, to weeping, to soft and open, and now I am asking myself this question...

Who am I?...
Jess Strantz, prideful, arrogant, merciless, angry and unloving, the same as a murderer.
Because in my hard heart, sinful and separate from God, I am nothing on my own but evil and disgusting, and no good deed on my own could ever bail myself out of the prison of sin and death.
But God calls us back into his love and kindness through Christ and the work of the Spirit.
He calls us out of darkness into his light.

Romans 6:6 Says, " And if they are saved by God's kindness, then it is not by their good works, for in that case, God's wonderful kindness would not be what it really is- free and undeserved."

You know what,
I am so thankful that God can break our hard hearts.
I am so thankful that He can forgive me for my evil, and sin.
I am so thankful that He can forgive that hip hop artist.
I am thankful that God can do anything he wishes to do which is always good, and always ends up being for his glory.

I don't want to hate people and be angry at them all the time.
I want to love people like God loves me.

I want to pray for those who don't know God's kindness, or Christ and his death and resurrection.

I want to show mercy, just like Jesus does.

I want to be ready to share all that Christ has done, so that all can know, repent and believe, and be bailed out of evil and sin, complete and whole and no longer broken, rescued and healed because of God's loving kindness.

So who am I?

Jess Strantz.
Sinful, but forgiven, Learning who God is, Learning to confess my need for Christ everyday, Learning to live through the Holy Spirit so I can be more like Jesus and share him with this very lost and dying world.

Salvation is here, and ready for all who confess and believe.

Peace and Joy

2009-12-23T17:32:00.000-08:00

The year is coming to a close, and I am excited about it.
I am looking forward to a new year and new and much deeper relationship with Christ.
I've had some pretty heartbreaking moments these past months. And the Lord has put me through the fire to refine me, in ways I couldn't imagine.

While it's hurt, I've come to see how the events leading up to now have been for the better and are shaping my character, one that is in, and of Christ.

I am finding peace and joy in His coming, His arrival!! The Child Born in a manger, to rescue us when we were utterly helpless.

I am thankful for what He has done.

Christ has come to us, so that we can come to Him.

Romans 5:1-11

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^a]">[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^b]">[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we^c]">[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Sojourning Siblings: Day 3

2009-11-26T19:17:00.000-08:00

Yeah it was amazing.

Sojourning Siblings: Day 2

2009-11-23T17:50:00.000-08:00

We are exhausted from over 30 hours of driving, in less than 2 days.
But all I can Say is: We are having fun :-)

Maybe tomorrow I will have something spiritual to say (we are going to the Grand Canyon tomorrow). Another adventure my brother Josh and I have desired to visit ever since we were little squirts.

But there are a few things you can pray about specifically.

1)that I will be a servant of Christ to my brother, Opa, and uncle with tons of LOVE.

2)that I will stay focused on Jesus, through prayer and the word (it's been difficult for me I confess, and that is why I am confessing) and to keep my mind set on things above.

3)that during this time apart from my husband, we would grow even more fond of each other than we already are. I miss my Judah so much, I know he misses me too.

4)that I never forget how awesome this time with my brother Josh is, because this is one of the best things that has ever happened to me in our entire relationship as siblings.

God is a God of hope and restoration.

Sojourning Siblings Day 1

2009-11-21T21:03:00.000-08:00

This is an account of my travelings with my younger brother Josh.

Both Josh and I grew up on the road, but since I married and moved out of the house, it's been years since the two of us have been on the road together.

I am going to do the best I can to update everyday of our trip.

The goal for this trip was to go to Three places my brother desired most to visit.

(secret agenda, I want to know my brother more, and I want to grow in the Lord with my brother ;-))

1)St. Louis Arch

2)Albuquerque, New Mexico

3)The Skywalk in the Grand Canyon.

Today we mark the first part of our adventure, the Arch.

It's something both Josh and I have longed to visit ever since we were little.

We used to live in Kansas, and my dad would travel to St. Louis often,

So we would go with him.

We were always in awe of The Arch, but mother wouldn't take us.

Fear I suppose.

It is a terrifying structure, so I could understand her reasoning.

But now that Josh and I are adults, we figured we would take tons of pictures,

and share with you the joy of finally being able to set foot inside this awesome architecture.

So after 14 hours of driving and exploring the midwest (Indiana, to Oklahoma)
we have reached our first destination for lodging,Oklahoma City.

Tomorrow we are off to Arizona.

I am so glad that on this trip, I can enjoy who God is, through his creation and the company of my brother.

So I end with this.

Psalm 67:1-3 (The Message)
God, mark us with grace and blessing! Smile! The whole country will see how you work, all the godless nations see how you save. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Let all far-flung people become happy and shout their happiness because You judge them fair and square, you tend the far-flung peoples. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Earth, display your exuberance! You mark us with blessing, O God, our God. You mark us with blessing, O God. Earth's four corners—honor him!

It's an answer to prayer to see my brother happy.

RIGHT NOW!

2009-09-30T13:26:00.001-07:00

Again, I am writing, but now it's what, 3 months later. Tomorrow is October 1st.
I can't believe that for 3 months I have allowed myself to be eaten up by the monster of over working, amongst the sermon manuscripts, callsheets, schedules for 3 ministries, 4 weekly music practices all inside the belly of this horrifying creature...which I made up to help myself see the true reality of my business.
Finally I gave up.
I put of the white flag of surrender.
Even now as I am typing this my eyes are dry, and they burn.
I've been up since 6:40am.
Now for some people this is nothing, but not for someone like me who goes to be at 2am every night almost.

I am creature of habit, so going to bed early isn't something I will be able to do overnight (hahaha, this statement is funny to me).

I become most creative after everyone is asleep, after most business have been closed for at least 3 hours, when all I can see out my back window are the stars in the sky and the warm glow from the city lights, which is very faint, considering I live in Mishawaka, IN. Small city, but greatly appreciated because of the community I am nestling into quite nicely,
After 6 years.

God has been in everything over these past 3 months.
I am excited to say, more and more.
And I look back, and I look forward, and then God says:

"STOP!"

Stop what?

"STOP!"

Just stop, be quiet, learn how to live NOW!
Right now!

Just 6 weeks ago I gathered outside the underground cafe after a show with a group of young adults.
The conversation began with, oh I don't know... Philosophy and a bit of Psychology.

Now I don't claim to be a pro in these areas, but some how this spurred on a conversation on demonic oppression, and confused emotions in the human mind and soul. Is it Satan's fault or God's fault for people to need counsel and rehabilitation from their demented conditions.

I, finally after all these years of being raised a Christian home respond with the answer that would convince you I was a follower of Christ...
"Well it doesn't really matter if someone is demon possessed, or emotionally scarred, everyone needs Jesus, and everyone needs prayer, and really we don't need to blame anyone, Satan or God...if someone desperately needs help, we should help them. And pray for wisdom on how to help them."

With that answer, more people crowded around me.
I was a little scared because now I had a crowd, and people started asking me questions, about life really, and how to live for Jesus, all the time, every where, any place.

I came to the realization that I live to much in my past, and to much in my future, and I forget to live now.

I shared this of course with my new friends, who were listening to every word I was saying.
I told them that Jesus wants us to focus on Today, because tomorrow has enough trouble.
That God wants us to focus on him in every moment, to seek opportunities to share His love, no matter where we are, or what we do.

As I am saying all this, I noticed that everyone was silent.
Most of the time when I talk to a group of people, a few will listen and the rest just walk away...but more and more people joined in and listened.

Before I knew it, I had other friends who were commenting about living a life for Christ, and they began to share God's word, and we all began to lift one another up with encouragement from the Lord.

It was one of the sweetest moments in my life because I realize how Christ was drawing these people through the words, which is the Word, coming out of my mouth...

For the most part after our conversation I began to see that these people were Christians.
I saw them as thirsty and dry, but filled when me and a few others began to speak God's truth.

Many of them were worn out and felt condemned because of the guilt in their life because they weren't the super Christians they wanted to be.

The conversation just kept coming back to Christ, and the grace and mercy, hope and love given at the cross, and the Holy Spirit, that now resides in us because of Jesus!

I could tell our conversation was coming to an end,
But the Lord told me to pray for everyone.
And so we did...
and you know what....
Everyone prayed, every single person.
It was precious.
Amazing.
Satisfying.

And more people joined in and prayed with us!
People who weren't even part of the conversation.

It was amazing.
We all ended our prayer with our hands all stacked up together in the center and gave a grand Cheer of "RIGHT NOW!"

And God helped me to realize, that living Right now for Him,
is the best thing I could ever do.
And it frees me up from my past, and my future, and I don't need to fear when I am focused on Christ, Right Now!

It's hard for me still to do that, but with his help, it becomes more natural.
I am excited!
And I see him moving all the time because of it.

In the small things, big things, extraordinary, and mundane.

But all in all everything belongs to him.
The glory, the praise, the honor, and RIGHT NOW.

And Right now I am going to end this blog.

2009-07-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

so the past few months have been learning experiences that I hope I never forget.
I haven't been able to blog for the past few months because I have been so busy.
I've been overwhelmed with my 3 jobs, summer, my band, family, weddings, graduations, and oh yeah, being a wife.
Sometimes I feel like I can't get everything done.
So many things are left unfinished.

A lot has been going through me head though.
I have been doing a lot of ministry outside the church.
More than ever, which I am glad about, but it has me thinking.

I've been stepping out of my comfort zone, I've been meeting up with people I don't even know.
I am reconciling broken relationships, I am making phone calls (which I hate doing)
I am exposing my heart to people I never would.
I am working harder than I have ever before.

I am trying to do church outside the church, it it's making my life feel complete.
I am loving that every where I go there are people I can meet, love, and encourage.
It's not easy, but God is really helping me.
I really want to keep focusing on Him, and doing what the Holy Spirit wants.

It's been really neat too, to see my band grow.
As we stepping out in faith, playing shows, sharing God's love, we are getting favor with people.
It's been cool to see how God is using us together.
I want more of this.

I am finding more and more, what my purpose in life is.
To be a servant, everywhere I go, whatever I do.
Sometimes I forget, actually a lot I do, but Jesus is being faithful to remind me, and I learning how to hear his voice.

I am excited to see what God is going to do in everyone's lives, the people I am meeting, the old friends that are coming back into the picture, and the new friends I am making.

And none of this has to do with being inside the 4 walls of a church.

I feel like I am in Church more when I am doing my everyday routines, then when I am actually in Church on Sunday, or in the office during the week.
I have more friends outside the church, then inside the church, and I have more people I can trust outside of church then inside of church.

When I think of family, I don't think of my church... I think of the people around me who are struggling in their faith, who are broken, who doing drugs, who are drinking, who are questioning life, people who are falling apart, and will admitt it.

I am a little sad that I can't call my church a family... but I am glad that I can call broken people my family... because I know God is working in their lives.

I feel like where ever I go, church can happen. I think this can happen with anyone, anytime, anywhere... when Christ is the center.
We all need God, and we can find Him and connect closer to Him and help others to do the same, when we are willing to be his hands and feet where ever we go.

I have a lot I am thinking through...
and I hope to figure things out... my life is changing... and my perception of church is changing...
I am not who I was 2 months ago.

But I believe it's for the better.
Because the good work God has started in each and everyone of us, will be complete. And this makes me very happy!

Let's go to the mountain!

2009-05-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

I am in Arizona for the next few days with my Grandpa, Brother and Uncle. And this is what I get to see every day, almost every where I go.

every time I see this, my heart wants to explode with joy, and I praise Him, every time I see these mountains, because our God is an awesome God.

Now I know that climbing this mountain isn't going to bring me closer to God, but there is something inside me, that every time I look at the mountain I think of Moses, and how wonderful his time was with the Lord, Just God and Moses. And my heart longs for that.

I know that God meets with me where ever I am at, I mean the Holy Spirit lives inside me, but I just wish I could climb to the top and shout praises to God! And hear my voice echo through the canyons. Just typing this, makes me cry, because it's so beautiful, amazing, breath taking!! My heart can't help but worship our awesome God!

"Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths." Isaiah 2:3

baggage

2009-05-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my sermon.
I am excited about it.
I feel like I am getting a little better at this, a little.

I am talking about baggage(sin) and how we need to let Jesus take it all and how we can
live our life in complete surrender everyday!

I wish I had more time to explain what I am going to do,
But my illustration of getting rid of baggage is awesome!!!
Thanks to Jesus and friends!!

And the message is only 4 pages long.
Not bad :-)
But I did rewrite 3 times.

bring it on!

2009-05-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

I am a little overwhelmed this week...
but I can handle it.

I am teaching again next week in vertical.
Can't wait.
The series is called,
"Keep Your Eyes on the Prize"

haha, I came up with it one day when I was reading

Hebrews 12:1-3

God Disciplines His Sons 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I am excited to teach about keeping our eyes on Jesus.
When we are focused on him, nothing else matters.

So here's to juggling my 3 jobs, and then teaching in the next two weeks!!!

Can't wait till vacation.
I need one.

It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't get it before...

2009-05-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

So it's like this.

Matthew 22:36-40

36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

If 1) I am loving God, spending each day getting to know him more through prayer, the word, living my life through Christ in complete surrender and obedience through his grace and mercy,
and 2) loving the people that God has put in my life each day, being a blessing, serving as Christ served, in complete and total humility, thinking more of others than myself...

Well I guess it doesn't really matter what I am doing or who I am as long as I am doing those two things.

I could be a janitor scrubbing toilets, I could be clerk, an artist, an athlete, a mom, a sister, friend, a student, a car sales man, an astronaut, a scientist, a comedian, a chef, anything really...

And as long as I am loving God and loving people, nothing really matters, because I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing :-)

I don't really care what I am in life,
as long as people see me as someone who loves Jesus and people.

That is what I pray becomes most important in my life, and all who claim to follow Christ.

Oprah, Come and Rescue Us.

2009-05-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

This is what I am doing to stop the war in Africa.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MC0hBf6wtI

Now this is what you can do to help.

watch the Oprah Winfrey Show today at 4pm.

it just hurts

2009-04-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

Aaron Busenbark, has left the band.
It hurts really bad.
This is the first week he is officially gone, and it feels empty.
I mean these past few months have been a pain in the rear, but now that he is really gone, it just doesn't feel the same.
He's my little bro. Jess Stacy feels the same way. We are heartbroken.

We've been working with a new drummer, and have had another person interested in playing with us, but it just isn't the same. It's like Aaron has died, and we'll never see him again.
I know that God is good no matter what.

Please pray for Aaron,
Pray that he would truly know Christ.

Pray that we all would, that we would love & live for Him and only Him.

Empower, don't manipulate...

2009-04-03T10:26:00.001-07:00

So I am struggling with my students, maybe it's because I don't have kids of my own, so I am missing out on the joys of parenting, or maybe it's because I am just a JERK! A merciless Jerk.

Yep. I will go with that one. I am jerk. (There I confessed my sin, I feel a little better).

So it's on the issue of worship.
Now when I say worship I mean this...
wor·ship(wûr'shĭp) Pronunciation Key n.
The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.
The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed.
Ardent devotion; adoration.

So yeah, with the students, we sing songs, I teach them to play music, to play their instruments well, to sing beautifully, and even if they mess up to give God their imperfections.
So we have the adoration down. That is great, they do this ONCE a week.

We pray together, I don't want to underestimate my students, but we do that together ONCE to TWICE a week ( I hope they do more than that on their own)

But what about the rest.
Reverent love and devotion???

So that is what I've been trying to do, teach them love and devotion to God.
You can't make anyone do anything, and I don't want to manipulate.
So I live by example and give them opportunities to step out and LOVE God, and DEVOTE their live's to Him, through worship.
Not music, which is better known as worship.

Okay, so the two things I've been working on are this:

1. I am trying to teach the kids about giving their money to the Lord, to help others.
So we are raising money to help a child in Iraq get heart surgery done. It's with an organization called, Buyshoessavelives.com.

I've made them aware, told them, to put in $5 a week, that is like 50 cents a day, towards this,
nothing. I told them penny's. Sell things they don't need or use anymore, replace your coke, or candy, energy drinks for the week with an opportunity to give, and save a life.
I gave them scriptures, I was even the first person give,
But nothing.
They pray "God, we're so excited about helping save a life, this will be awesome!"
Well yay! They prayed that, but they aren't doing anything.

I told them we could have a garage sale.
Play a show and raise money that way, have a bake sale.
They we're all fine with that.

I don't know how to motivate them.

So second
2. We have an event coming up at the Homeless Center,
and none of them can make it.
They keep giving me excuses.
I tell them that Worshiping God is giving your time, and helping those in need.

So I guess I am going to go to the Homeless Center alone, or cancel.

I don't want them to feel manipulated.
I don't want them to hate me, or feel forced to Love God.

They don't live with me everyday, so they don't see what I do outside the church.
I wish they could, because I think it would help, but all in all,
I am running out of ideas.
I am finding no joy in this.

My heart breaks because of selfish this world is.

I want to reverse this.
But I just feel like giving up.
If I do though, then I am a failure.

I know that God has called me to do this, I just am running out of ideas.
I want to empower them,
to Give them a reason.
I teach to them every week about this,
giving your time, money, resources, LIFE, to Christ,

so I figured instead of talking about it every week,
we will DO something.

And now that we are doing something,
nothing is happening.

I feel like I am failing.

But,
there is hope, I know.
Just because things are difficult, or aren't going the way I planned doesn't mean it won't eventually happen.
I just thought my kids we're ready to step out in their faith, and Trust God on a deeper level.

If you have anything encouraging to say,
or if you want to correct me in my thinking,
or if you want to give me ideas, a Bible verse, something.
Or even prayer, I would greatly appreciate this.

I am open minded right now.
I don't know anything about what I am doing.
I am just trying to figure things out along the way, and the only way that is going to happen is if I get my hands dirty.

anticipating

2009-03-05T07:25:00.000-08:00

I love Jesus so much,
He really makes me happy!!! Even when things don't make sense.
I am just excited to see what God is doing in my life and the people's lives around me.
I am blown away by His mercy and grace!!!!
I can't wait to see what He will do!!!!
Even though I have no clue what to expect.
I like it that way, because I am anticipating the hope of glory, the good work that has been started, for it to be finished, no matter how long it takes, I want to live in grace, walk humbly, love mercy, and act justly, through Christ, live to give, and keep my eyes on the prize.

2009-02-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

So I'm gonna be 22 this year.
No big deal I suppose, But I've seen such a dramatic change in my life I don't know what to do with myself.
I actually feel like I have changed.
Over the past 4 years, since I've been married, I haven't felt any different. I felt awkward because I didn't really know who I was, or what to do, but now that I've been on my own with just my husband for almost one year, I finally feel like I am me, or like I am becoming who I am supposed to be, especially in Christ.
I am learning how to make decisions for myself and my family, ministry, I am learning to let go, I am learning to be okay with who I am, with the mercies that are given to us, everyday, new, fresh, filled with Life through Christ.
I am excited for the adventures to come, especially with my husband.
I finally feel like we're ready!!!
To start hiking, up the side of the mountain.

I am hungry to know my Creator, to be satisfied in Him.
I think I am getting that lately.

I feel so happy when I think of God, even when it comes to the things that are difficult to accomplish, but it's not me anyways who does, it's his grace.

But I mean even when I feel down about at first, he helps me to see the bigger picture, HIM!

I've been taking a break from my normal schedule, and just kind of letting it be, life, whatever I suppose and God has been blessing that.

I am learning to take time to Praise him!
To thank Him for what He has done in my life, and the people around me.
I am excited, more and more about Christ and the power of His resurrection.

It's tough stuff to swallow, and even more to digest.
But oh well, that is the price I must pay,
but I want Christ to my focus and my end goal.

Really that is it.
Nothing else matters.

Does anyone feel the same way?

Post 100

2009-02-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

Well I would like to congratulate myself for making it to 100 posts.
I've skimmed over a few of them in the past couple months and I have seen how far I've come, which makes me feel a bit encouraged I suppose.

Anyways.
This past weekend was really really tough for me.
You see I recorded with my band Friday, Saturday & Sunday, over 24 hours of recording.
I got really sick Friday, and I was having a really bad day.
I was very angry at my band mates, well because of numerous reasons, I don't really care to share right now.
So we got to the recording studio, I apologized to them, asked them to pray with me, they did not, so because they didn't I became even more angry, so I got out of the car as calmly as I could, and I started walking.
I walked a good 2 miles.
I called my husband up and complained about what a sucky day I was having.
I wasn't able to be with him on Friday, so it was very hard on me having to connect with him via texting and phone calls.
I cussed my heart out to him, using just about every word in the book, I told him to pray for me, he did and then we hung up after saying "I love you".

I was trudging down CR 28 in Goshen, and finally I shut my freaking mind up and started to listen, then I prayed and the Lord made something very clear to me.
I worry about everyone else about me, and their relationship with him, so much so that I forgot about my own.
WOW!
I found it kinda funny that I started praying,
Jesus, please help me to worry about me and you, instead of them and you.

At first I thought it was selfish, but then I realized how it isn't.
How on earth am I suppose to do anything for Him, if I am not worried about what He thinks of me, or how he feels about me, and the things I am doing in my life, pertaining to a life of worship, and complete surrender.

I felt pretty happy, that finally after such a frustrating day, He told me to worry about "US."
Me and Jesus.
It sounds kinda cheesy,
But God is a jealous God,
He wants all of me, not left overs, or opinions that never go anywhere.

I want Him to have all of me.
Really I do.

So anyway.
I continued back to the recording studio.
I felt better for a while, until I drew nearer to my destination.

I didn't want to be with my "friends."
I didn't want to record.
I just wanted to stay outside on the country road, alone with Jesus.

But I had to be with them, for the next 2 days, and I had to face them.

SO I asked Him for Grace, to Love them, and He did.
As I finished my walk down the road, with the Lord, I asked him if he wanted me to quit the band, maybe become a speaker, or a stay at home mom, what ever He wants,
JUST LET ME KNOW!

haha, no response.
I walked through the door of the studio,
sat down,
and went through my things, getting my equipment ready.

I got a phone call.
A lady from my church wants me to come and speak to speak to her homeschool group about how I didn't date, but how I waited for the Lord to bring me my husband.
I told her I would love to.

I hung up,
and remembered my prayer,
And all though I didn't get a straight up answer from God, he did give a little confirmation,
I suppose I am doing all the things I need to be doing, and he will open up the door for more opportunities,
but today I just need to love Him.
And tomorrow, and the rest of my life.
And I need to share with others what He has done in my life, and what He has done for each and every one of us through his Son, Jesus.

I am learning more and more what it means to live a life of worship to Him in Spirit and in Truth,
yeah I am frustrated that I don't get things right away, and that I have to learn the hard way, most of the time.
But He is patient, and gracious.

I need Him.
So for post 100,
I'm pretty happy that He keeps revealing his unending love to me.
I am sure he will for 100 and 1,000, 1million more.

2009-02-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

I'm fighting myself.
I don't want to win, I just want Jesus to.
So here we go.
I surrender.

Patience Tried, all I can do is smile

2009-01-29T10:27:00.000-08:00

So having kids of my own isn't something that will happen very soon, well to your standards, but to me soon is 6 years from now, after I have celebrated my 10th year anniversary.
So in the mean time I've been surrounding myself with kids, Middle school, High school, 4th and 5th grade. Especially because I genuinely love being around them.
The great thing for me is though, when I am done hanging out with them they get to go home to their parents. Easy for me right ?
I also have been having making an effort to spend quality time with my niece and nephews, at least once a month.
This past weekend they came over, and it was really fun.
But I came upon some issues, I suppose I can call it preparation for when I have a clan of my own.

You see, I needed to be somewhere at 6:30pm. I had 40 min. to drop them off back home (two different places). I told them a half hour prior to leaving that we needed to start packing up all their things (I never realized how many things 3 kids could bring over, for just 1 night, not even 24 hours, haha, man my parents dealt with so much with me!).

So the two oldest, start packing up their stuff.
Oh I forgot to mention, they didn't eat any food the entire time they were at the house, they ate nothing but popcorn and cookies, I finally made them pancakes, and ran out of batter, at 5:00 in the evening.
Okay, sorry about that. So the oldest two were ready to go, I now had a half hour to drive on opposite sides of town. I'm in the car waiting on the littlest one.

So after waiting for quite some time, I run in the house, and find him still standing in the hallway, taking his precious time.
I didn't want to get mad at him, so I kindly motivated him to hurry up.
Well that didn't work. He still needed to pack his bag, and put his shoes on, we couldn't find his socks, haha, and his jacket.
That is another story.

His jacket is one of those reversible ones. Since I am not a parent I am not up to tabs on the cool technology of outerwear. So anyways, I am trying to help him get his jacket on, turn it ride side in/out, and well we finally get one sleeve on, but the other is stuck, he already has his snow gloves on, but they are to huge and so his hands don't fit through his jacket.
Frustrated to the core of my being, all I could do was laugh. I didn't want to make him feel bad.

I was reminded that I need to be patient. He's just a kid and if I am late I am late, get over it.

So I grab the rest of his belongings, manage to zip him up in his jacket, with no hands and get to the car.

I get in on my side, and see that little Killean can not get the door open (since he has no hands).
The other two start laughing at him, I laugh because I can't do anything else.
He slips on the ice, lays outside the car, while I lean over and get the door open.
I help him in. Hand less, he attempts to shut the door, and fails to, because he left one leg in the door, and tries shutting it with his leg jammed in the frame.
I continue laughing, (now he thinks he is a comedian) but deep down inside I want to scream.

Finally we take off, I am now drifting off into space, thinking of the best/safest/quickest way to get all of them home.

Killean breaks my train of thought,
"I got it!!!"
"What?" I ask.
"My hands! They are free!"

I laugh again.

And again.
and again.
Even now, through out the week, I laugh about this.

I am so glad that God is patient with us.
That he doesn't give up, that he doesn't yell at us, I wonder if at times he laughs at us.
I suppose he does.

I learned a valuble lesson.
Really I did.

Laughing made that frustrating experience so much more hilarious to me.
IF I would have gotten angry, it wouldn't be very funny.
well to me at least.

Life is short, and we need to have moments of joy, through frustration.
I am not ready to be a mom, but this doesn't stop me from ever wanting to become one.
I am just glad that I get to experience life like this.
I just want to enjoy these moments.
My neice and nephews will grow up sooner than I think, they already are.

But whatever may be, I want to thank the Lord, joyously for loving us!
And so we can love others!

Think of this,

It takes more muscles to frown then to smile.
It's easier to smile.
I think that says a lot about our God.

A new year, and an old year, filled with thanks

2009-01-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

so it's the new year, and what am I doing?

thinking about all the things that have gone on this past year and what I can do to make things better. Fortunately I don't have to tackle making changes on my own.

I am learning that life isn't really about what I want or need.

I am very blessed when I think about it.

In fact I want to name off the things I am very grateful for just in this past year.

1. My husband who loves me so very much. He really does support me like no one else ever has and believes in me, even when it seems like things are hopeless. He helps me grow closer to Christ, and encourages me in my faith. I am so glad that God has brought us together, he is really a blessing. We've been together now for 6 years and married for almost 4!

2. I am so thankful that in the past 3 1/2 years of marriage, Judah and I have been able to be on our own. We have grown so much together and it's been very stress free, of course we have our moments, but it's been so great! I am very glad we have each other and just each other now.

3. I finally have a band, and band members who love working with me for once. haha. Plus we all pretty much have the same beliefs and morals, oh and political views.

4. We recorded music together for the 2nd time and it went very well!

5. We came in 2nd place with the Woodwind and Brasswind battle of the bands, and had only been a band 4 months!

6. My Niece and Nephews have moved back in town and I have been enjoying the time we are able to spend together as a family. I love getting to know them better, and since Judah and I don't have kids of our own, it's nice to be able to put time into having relationships with them.

7. My relationship with my parents are growing more and more everyday, the same with my brother. It's nice feeling close to them again.

8. I am loving the students that I work with at River Valley! More and more every week, when I see them and work with them. They are maturing in their faith and they're becoming fantastic musicians. Especially for their age. They bring me so much joy. Every week I look forward to being with them, and getting to know them more, and playing music together!

9. God has provided for us in so many ways this past year, with jobs, friends, encouragement, financially, with good health, the list could go on.

10. I am so grateful that every day I grow more and more dependent on God's mercy and grace through Jesus Christ. I am so thankful for what has been done, not just for me, but for everyone. I am excited to see how what God is going to do this year. He is good, He is faithful.

I love him.

Well that is it for now, I know there will be more.

But I just wanted to share my thankfulness.

I want to start with gratitude and end with it.

:-)

Facing myself.

2008-12-23T11:23:00.000-08:00

Forgive me for this post, I feel as though I need to get a lot off my chest.
The biggest thing I am dealing with is my pride and idolatry, oh and Selfishness!!
I am so full of it, I am sick to my stomach, literally.
So I am just going to be open, honest, and it isn't going to be pretty, but I don't care, because well, things need to be said.

1. I am frustrated, with music, maybe I should just say, myself.
I know God has given me the ability to write songs. I write them every week.
I am happy that I am able to do this, it's wonderful, and I feel very close to God when He gives me something new, but it's what I am doing with my music. I have a band, it's great because for 8 years I prayed the Lord would provide good musicians to work with.
I have had my share of bands, and musicians, and stupid decisions on my part because I couldn't be patient in the past. Finally I gave up and then it all fell into place, Jess and Aaron came along.
Without me really asking.
They just appeared. They have been a blessing to me, and I feel that in the short while we have been together we have really become quite a team.
I feel though that I have become so puffed up with what we have that I feel we deserve better and more than we ought to.
So this makes shows very displeasing. We forget what this is all about.
No one really ever comes to shows. We feel as though we are wasting time and energy.
Who wants to play to a crowd of people who don't care.
It's frustrating.
We have become very stuck up, more so me, and I hate it.
I admit it.
I know my problem is that I see my music as my source of identity, and that I have to PROVE people that I am worth it to them.
It's wrong.
I don't deserve any one's ears, attention, love, adoration, nothing.
So with that,
We are taking a break from local shows.
There isn't any interest anyways, which I'm glad, because it's helping me to put in perspective what exactly is going on.
MY pride, and my idolatry of self.
I am praying for wisdom and direction, insight, because I don't want to chase after earthly things over my precious Jesus.
I don't want to take something good that God has given me to bless His name with and make it all about myself.

2. I am feeling very bitter about the holidays all of a sudden.
I am finding it hard to look back on the years before and see that others, including myself have moved on from certain relationships. And it hurts, because a part of me wishes something was still there, but it isn't.
I think the reason it is so hard is in the past I have always moved, and so when those relationships were over it was easy because I lived 1,000 miles away, at least I had an excuse.
Now I don't, I have no excuse with people who live 12 miles away from me.
I can tell that they don't want anything to do with me anymore, they avoid me at all cost, and so do I because I can't deal with the pain of knowing that what was once there is now gone, and there isn't any distance except for our cold hearts which make it seem as though they are in Africa, and I in Greenland.
I think here is just a pity party.
I admit it, I am selfish, and again, feel as though I deserve something more than I should.

GOSH, who they heck do I think I am???

haha, okay I have to laugh at myself because what I am seeing is just ridiculous.
Moving on.

Anyways.
So now that is off my chest.
I will just say a few more things really more to myself.

Get over yourself Jess!
It's not about you.

You know, I am so glad that Jesus forgives.
I am so glad that Jesus takes us and cleans us, when we are willing to let him do so.
I am SOOOO grateful that Jesus knows what it is like, to struggle with the same kind of feelings we all do.
That he walks with us, and he intercedes for us, and that he takes our silly ridiculous prayers and brings them to the Father, who loves us endlessly.
I thank Him for sending us the Holy Spirit, for sealing us, so that we can live in and through him to bring praise to His name.
I am glad that as we spend more time with him we become more like him.
I am glad that we can gain perspective through prayer, and his word.
I am so grateful, that he can fix us, as broken and messed up as we are.

So that we can't give ourselves credit.
It's just Jesus.

Jesus, take this ungrateful, selfish, prideful, idolater and
cleanse this heart.
Make it new, and grateful, because you are so very patient & merciful, understanding.
Remind me everyday just how amazing your grace is.
I don't want to have pity parties for myself I just want to move on and get in on what you are doing everywhere, everyday.
I want to love like you, I want to serve like you, I want to give my life to you.
Take it, it's yours.
Nothing on this earth is worth it to me, I just want you Jesus.
Thanks.
love you.
amen.

Holiday Weekend!!!

2008-12-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I cut myself off from everything electronic.
No Internet, or e-mail, no phone calls (except for arranging family time).
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, all family! It was great.
It was loads of fun, but I was overwhelmed, but in a good way. haha. At times I didn't think I would be able to keep myself together, I have never cooked, baked, and cleaned so much in my life. Kids are soo messy, haha, but I really had fun.
I guess had a taste of what parenting is like, for 36 hours.
It was healthy for me, I feel good about it, very happy and very satisfied.
I love my family so much. Here are some photos from this weekend :-)

Gabbie (niece), Me, Breanna (cousin), all dressed up and ready to go to the Nutcracker

Dressing up is a rare occasion, I savored every moment!
Brandon, my handsome nephew
Look at those nerds
Killean (nephew), my little ham.
3:00am Saturday morning, I went to bed, they stayed up till 6. I am getting old.
This is how serious as we can get. And this is how silly we can get!
Obviously, a tree, trimmed by the Strantz/Silk/Johnson family (it was a disaster haha, but I fixed it.)

Homemade presents
burnt cookies

Majestica! The Sea Monkey King.

Well, I think maybe some day, I will be a mom, but until then, I am enjoying being the Aunt, Cousin and Big Sister.

The Sabbath, Day of Rest.

2008-11-30T07:34:00.000-08:00

Now I realize that the Sabbath is really on Saturday, but for most of America the Sabbath is on our beloved day Sunday.
Well for some of us it's beloved, but many of us work (and I am not so much talking about us in ministry. There are those in retail, fastfood, waiting tables, whatever it may be working).

All though I love my job, sometimes I feel like, I never really take a day of rest.
I just keep going and going and going.
And yes, I am very young, but I am feeling very worn out.

I want to Love the Lord above my work and ministry.
I want to Love people above my work and ministry.
I think I just need to set my priorities straight, and just FIND time to REST in God.
Anywhere, all the time.

If I allow Christ to be in everything I do, I don't think I will be so worn out.
We are promised strength and grace to do all things in and through Him!

my prayer is this:
Jesus, forgive me for making my life an idol.
For making my life so busy that I forget to rest in you, and trust that everything is going to be all right. The world is in your hands, in your control not mine.
I don't want to get worn out because I am not spending enough time with you.
Be part of everything, it's not about me anyways.
Sorry.
Please give me strength.
I am feeling very worn out. Sometimes I feel like giving up.
I feel like I am getting no where...maybe that is the point though.
I don't want to go anywhere, unless you give me the go.
Help me to put all my time and energy in you.
Thanks for interceding on my behalf Jesus.
Thanks for taking my prayer to the Father.
Holy Spirit please have your way.
Remind me what is most important.
Loving YOU first, people second.

Amen.

And what do I know...

2008-11-25T11:42:00.000-08:00

Nothing.

All these years of experience, working with tons and tons of people, and what am I left with?
Nothing.
I know nothing.
I am only trying to sort things out and submit myself to Jesus Christ.

I just want to do what Jesus wants me to do.
I just want to live for Him, and worship Him in everything I say and do.
Why ???Because he deserves it.

He paid the price.
I am free.
Filled up and overflowing so that others may know the Gospel.

So others may see the glory of the Father, in Christ, and as I live my life for Him, Through the Holy Spirit, Jesus!!

With Grace I can do all things...
without Grace I only sin.

Thank you Jesus for your righteousness so I can come to the Father!
thanks for drawing in my heart Holy Spirit,
Thanks Lord for your mercy, compassion and grace so I may live for you continuously!

What I need...

2008-10-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

I am realizing how God provides.
All these years, growing up, being taught the whole prosperity message,
"Give so God can bless you" I am seeing how in so many ways it isn't true.
You see many times, we americanize our idea of provision, and blessings.
I know at times I still do.
God promises that he will provide for us.
He takes care of the lily's of the field and the bird's of the air, how much more will He take care of us?
I am no longer, even seeing my money, as "my" money, because it's God's anyway.
If I am going to claim that I am a follower of Christ, then I will sell everything I have and give to the poor. I don't need to worry about what to eat, drink, wear, or anything.
Because God will take care of me and my family.

Also when it comes to needs, He knows them.
But sometimes I don't always realize what I really need, verses what I really want.

I just want to be so vunerable to God, that when it comes down to what I need, I am grateful.
Do I need half of what I have, absolutely not.
I just want to make sure that I am no longer grumbling and complaing about what I have, and don't have.

Because compared to the rest of the world, I am rich with all the things I own.
And what confirms my wealth, is the fact that I have faith, in Christ.
I am a daughter of King Jesus.

Enriched in every way, as I seek the Kingdom of God.

Whatever happens.
I just want to be happy in knowing that God has got me covered.
I don't need to worry about meeting the standards of this world.
Just God's.

The Three Symptoms of Disobedience

2008-10-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night, I drank my very last coffee.
When I say last, I am done with it, and I will tell you why.

1. Restlessness
2. Adrenaline rush, not because I was exercising, but because I had to much caffeine in my body
3. A very upset stomach.

You see Monday night the Lord convicted my heart about how much I spend on mediocre things. Such as coffee.
I spend probably about $25 a week on it.
I could save that money, have $100 extra a month and do something else with it.
I have been praying for the past few months how I can put my money towards God's kingdom.
Me and Judah tithe, and support a compassion international child in India, and all though that was a lot for my husband and I when we first got married, it seems to me like we can do more on a regular basis. We are asking for more of God in our lives, and we are seeing how God is answering us.

Here is what I read the other day.
Luke 18:18-29

18A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
19"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. 20You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'[b]"
21"All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.
22When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
23When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. 24Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! 25Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
26Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?"
27Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."
28Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!"
29"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."

Well this hit me very hard.
I am more concerned about what I have.
I want to live my life giving to others, not concerned about what I eat, or drink, with what I own and do not own.

The other night when I was restless, almost having a heart attack, and sick to my stomach, it was because of the coffee drinking late at night, but it was also because I choose to buy that coffee for myself.
Not that drinking coffee is all that bad, (except for when you experience all of the above), it's just that God asked me not to buy it, but I shut that small voice up deep inside, the Holy Spirit, and did what I wanted.
I suffered the natural repercussions of late night coffee drinking, but only because I brought it up on my self.
But I was thinking about how many times I have experienced,
1.Restlessness
2. Chronic pounding heart
3. sick stomach
because of the disobedience in my life.
Soul searching and Holy Spirit conviction always lead me to repentance.
So what is going on in our hearts?

I know for me, I don't want earthly riches any longer.
In light of God's word,
I would rather give everything I have.
And it's hard to think this, just like the rich man was sad about giving his riches.
I just want to bless people with what God has blessed me with.
Although I don't know what to do with the extra $100 a month,
I know God will be faithful to let me know.
And I am excited, because I want to live for Him, in total obedience, so I don't have to stay up all night with those 3 symptoms because of my disobedience.

2008-10-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I lead worship in "Big" church.

I call it that, because that is where the big people go, in comparison to little people, or teenagers, like middleschoolers and 4th & 5th graders.

I felt nervous.

Ryan, our worship pastor at River Valley, was out of town, so I took care of things while he was gone.

I was overwhelmed with the responsibility, but excited at the same time.

Yesterday morning seems like a blur, but all I know is, I was stretched.

Challenged.

I almost feel like, I wasn't even really playing, leading almost.

I just got behind my guitar, sang the songs, prayed from my heart, the new revelations given to me through Christ, and God's word, I got lost.

It was very awesome.

I love getting lost.

I guess, I could almost say that I felt like David,

Read Psalm 19.

Practicing God's Presence.

2008-10-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

So I am being challenged.
My faith, personally, as a wife, a friend, a sister, daughter & leader.

I have so many questions.
I am not really even sure where to start.

You see, just this morning I was talking with the mother of one of guitar students.
We were talking about the time we spend with God.
How difficult it is at times to make sure we find time to spend with him.
I don't want to "FIND" time. I want God to be in everything I do, say, think, act.

3 years ago, before I was married, it seemed easy to just go to my room, shut the door, pray, read, worship God. I had my space to go and spend time with Him.
Then I got married, moved in with my husband...
and
and
and
his family.
Now it's fine that I got married. I love my husband. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else, but here is what I am getting at.

Now I am sharing a room with my husband.
Not a big deal, because I will just find somewhere else in the house...
oh wait...
I can't.
Because the rest of the house is inhabited by my husband's family.

Now I am not saying it's their fault, it's just that when I moved into the Strantz house, I lost my special time with God, because I had no where to go anymore.
I couldn't just shut the door and be alone.
For the past 3 years, I've been trying to figure out how to be "ALONE" with God, so I could grow stronger in my walk with Him.

I have to admit, it hasn't been the most successful.
In fact I rarely feel like it has happened.
But what God has taught me is this.

Take all the moments you have and make them "God's time."
That is all I can do.

I started praying, worshiping in the car.
In the shower.
Cleaning.

I admit though that I do not, and I repeat DO NOT, have this mastered. I never will.

As Brother Lawrence says:
"Neither skill, nor knowledge is needed to go to God. All that is necessary is a heart dedicated entirely and solely to Him, out of love for Him above all others."

I just want to love God in everything I do.
I want to be in His presence, everyday, everywhere I go. I want my heart to be his!!!

Here all these years I have been trying to reinvent my "ALONE" time with God.
And I am now realizing that, ALL the time, in my day belongs to him.

So what does that mean.
The decisions I make.
What I say when I wake up,
what I think through out the day.
How I dress, how I eat, how I work, how I treat my husband, my family, his family, friends, people in general...
it all needs to be for God, his glory, his purpose.

Spending time with God, needs to be something I do all the time.
I desire to be in God's presence always.

Just thinking about this, makes me feel so grateful for God's grace.

In doing this,
I will change, I will be more like Him!
This helps me in every way...
even when I am challenged as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, leader.

I have hope.
In Christ.
and in Him alone!

The King of England & Salty Pretzels

2008-10-05T19:17:00.000-07:00

This morning was very tiring for me for some odd reason. Usually I am very pumped to be with kids, and I was for the first half of the morning, but after I lead worship for 4th and 5th grade this morning with Ty Callahan I wanted to faint.

I taught the kids two new songs, and it was kind of frustrating for me.
I felt like I was screaming.
Ty said he thought it was sad that he could barley hear the kids, 40 of them.
I don't know if it was because the song was new, or if it was because I was scaring them.

I asked the kids this question though...
"If the king of England asked you to sing a song, and to sing it loud you would wouldn't you?"
and they replied...
"YEAH!!!!!!"
really really loud.
And then I challenged them...
"Then how much more would you sing for God, who you love???"

I don't know, I am still trying to figure these kids out.

Sometimes I feel like I am found to be more entertaining than anything.
I don't mean to be, I just want the kids to get excited.

Sometimes I feel like Thomas Edison when it comes to leading worship.
But at least I am finding a million ways to NOT lead worship.

It's okay.
If I don't step out in faith, if I don't get my feet get dirty, if I don't ever try, I will never know.
God is teaching me a lot.
I am grateful.

I just want people to love God because they love Him, not because they feel forced to.
So I can only live by example.
Be contagious.

Salty pretzel.
No wonder why Jesus says we are salt and light.
Tons of Flavor Lord.
I want people to see that living for you is tastey, delicious, flavorable pretzels.

okay, that was a little cheesy.
But whatever I don't care. I work with kids.

The longest post ever.

2008-10-02T16:31:00.000-07:00

I've been leading worship now for a while. Since I was 13, I am 21 now. I've gone through the motions, leading because I have to, abused and used, tired and burnt out. Pumped, excited, emotional, sensitive, insensitive, watered down, selfless and selfish.

I've worked with many different people, very old & very young, traditional, contemporary.

Different theologies, different methods, different hearts.

People who cared and people who didn't, those who were concerned more about the performance than focusing on God, and those who went overboard with spirituality.

People who think they can worship God with just a happy little grin on their face, raise their hands and inside they are in total rebellion, their lives outside the church don't reflect anything inside.

In all honesty, all those people were me and at times still are.

Yes, I know and have worked with people like the ones I explained above.

Over the past 8 years, I've questioned.

Questioned what is real worship? Real worship to God?

I understand that Bible clearly says we are to be living sacrifices, for Christ, in and through him, we can't even begin to live a life pleasing to Him.

It's not just what we sing, or what we say, but as we get to know the Creator, our hearts change, the Holy Spirit works in and through our lives,

we hunger for more of Him and less of ourselves.

So we do this on our own with Christ.

But as a body?

Yeah, we serve together, yes we sing songs, we pray together, but their has to be something more. Right?

Why do we just come together to practice worship songs?

I mean yes, it's to make sure we play the songs right, but it's not just that.

It's not just going through the motions every Sunday.

Leading the congregation into songs, where all of us go into auto pilot and we loose the true meaning of why we come in the first place.

This past week during praise and worship practice, we had new worship team members join us.

I have the privilege of worship with middle school students.

Who are new to their musical instruments.

A lot of them still don't know all the notes on their instruments, or chords, and that is okay, I love teaching students how to play music, especially to glorify God.

You see just a year ago we started forming an all student worship team for my church River Valley.

It was hard work, but after six months of practice the kids were good enough to start playing on Sunday mornings. Now that it has been a year, I've almost have been spoiled every week because they are soo good on their own.

So last night I was brought back to their very first time I started working with the students.

Only this time I had help.

The students I worked with for over a year volunteered their time to help me train up the new students last night.

In the midst of all the chaos, the horrible music, I stood back for a moment and watched my last year students go into action.

You see every time I see my students I tell them that worship is the way you live your life.

Simple enough.

I tell them they need to give everything they have to Him! Their imperfections.

Last night I saw my students, give God their best, their imperfections.

I saw the older kids encouraging the new kids, because just one year ago they were in the same place.

They walked with them, they helped each other out,

and I didn't have to ask them, I didn't have to say anything.

God reminded me of the reason why we come together as a body to worship Him.

Because together we help each other out, we help lead one another, and we don't even have to be singing a song.

We walk together, we encourage, we point things out, we love, we lean on each other.

That's what those kids did last night.

That is what I am learning from them, true worship together.

As a body.

Nothing else.

2008-10-01T18:27:00.000-07:00

It's time.
Jesus, change my heart.

Lord, search my heart.
You know me better than I do.
Don't let my heart decieve me any longer.
Set me free by the power of your truth.

Here I am willing to change.
So cleanse me.
Inside and out.
I want more,
more of you and nothing else.

Let my heart be steadfast.
No more excuses.
I don't want to settle for anything less.

I want more of you, and nothing else.

confessions

2008-09-28T19:37:00.001-07:00

So I am gonna confess, I've been slacking.
It's not like I am not praying, or reading my Bible.
But I let my life take over... and I just get selfish, and I feel horrible about it. My Life feels horrible, because I try to fill myself up with me, and my desires, because

I just don't want to get caught up in my own agenda.
Then I can't get caught up in God's.
He has so much more planned for me ...

I just want to get into the routine of absorbing myself in His presence, everyday, every moment, every thought, every word, every deed.

I know it's possible, through Christ.
I know that I am new in Him everyday.

I claim it,
and now I want to start living it.

I am so glad that God's grace is enough.
I am so glad that I am his.

But I confess,
I suck.
And that is okay...
God will complete the good work he has already begun in me.

will healing come?

2008-09-22T17:47:00.000-07:00

Thursday, I am meeting with Mike Morgan,
A dear friend of mine, for lunch.
I used to be in a band with him.
Judah called him yesterday to see if we all could talk.
You see over the weekend I went to see his band play, listening to them, talking to them, well it was just like my scabs were being peeled open again.
It hurt being there too much.
So Judah and I decided we need to talk about how much my feelings are hurt.

I am glad that I have Judah, he helps me so much.
I really hope that when I meet with Mike I will be able to be kind and loving, but able to express my heart.
My prayer is that healing will come between us.
It is about time.
It's been a year now.

I am ready to move on.

p.s.
please pray that I would seek to Find God's love, approval and satisfaction.
that is all I want.

Brood of Vipers

2008-09-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

"Who warned you to flee God’s coming wrath? Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God. Don’t just say to each other, ‘We’re safe, for we are descendants of Abraham.’ That means nothing, for I tell you, God can create children of Abraham from these very stones. Even now the ax of God’s judgment is poised, ready to sever the roots of the trees. Yes, every tree that does not produce good fruit will be chopped down and thrown into the fire."

Matthew 3:8-10

I must say, I don't want to be fruitless.

God I want to be part of what you are doing...I don't want to do things my way.
Thanks for forgiving me through your Son, Christ.
Thanks for letting me live my life through the Spirit.
Thanks for helping me to live a life that Glorfies you!

In A Sweater Poorly Knit

2008-09-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

In a sweater poorly knit, and an unsuspecting smile
Little Moses drifts downstream in the Nile
A fumbling reply -- an awkward, rigid laugh
I'm carried helpless by my floating basket raft
Your flavor in my mind swings back and forth between
sweeter than any wine, and bitter as mustard greens
Light and dark as honeydew and pumpernickle bread

The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

As you plow some other field and try and forget my name,
see what harvest yields, and, supposing I'd do the same
I planted rows of peas, but by the first week of july --
they should have come up to my knees
but they were maybe ankle high
Take the fingers from your flute to weave your colored yarns,
and boil down your fruit to preserves in mason jars
But now books are overdue and the goats are underfed...

the trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

You're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence
You made a holy fool of me, and I've thanked you ever since
If she comes circling back, we'll end where we'd begun
Like two pennies on the train track the train crushed into one
Or if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken, open seed
If I come without a thing, I come with all I need
No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head

The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

I do not exist only YOU exist

sometimes we need the tears to fall down like rain

2008-09-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been tough.

Having to deal with my brother-in-law, apologizing to him for being a jerk.

Judah and I are taking more responsibility with the house and paying more bills, so I have been looking for another job.

My grandma has been in the hospital since Wednesday.

I have never seen her this way. She is really sick and in the hospital.

I am sure she will be able to go home no later than this week, but deep down inside I am preparing myself.

Preparing myself for the late night call.

I've been hanging out with her at the hospital in Valpo. It's been tougher than I thought it would be.

Seeing her lying there, helpless, shaking, a bag of bones. My mom and my aunt, fear in their eyes.

Everytime I've been at the hospital I have been reminded of when I watched my best friend die of cancer 5 years ago.

I just don't want to go through this pain again, but I know it's part of life.

I am learning, I am living.

But I want to keep loving God, for he stays the same, even though so many things change.

When I lead worship this morning in big church, during the 3rd service I broke down crying.

Overwhelmed with sorrow, and stress, and at the same time overwhelmed with God's grace and mercy and how through Christ, the Holy Spirit, I can glorify God, even through my pain, my fear, my sorrow, I can praise Him, and say I don't know what you want from me, I don't know what you need from me, I don't know...But what ever is going on, you are in control.

YOU ARE SOVEREIGN.

But joy, through my trials?

Yes, because God is building my faith, and I am gaining perseverance, to stay strong in Him.

To bring glory to His name and help others who are going through the same thing and show them hope in Christ.

But sometimes I need my tears to fall like rain.

Here are lyrics to a LaRue song that got me through the death of my best friend.

And now they comfort me once more.

And it's OK to cry, it's OK to cry
It's OK to wonder why
And as your tears fall down, they heal the ground
A place that once was dry
It's OK to cry

tiny broken vessels

2008-08-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

This summer has equaled out to be one of the most humbling ever.

Actually, that would be this entire year so far.

2008 the year Jess Strantz saw the walls of her pride crumble and fall one at a time, till nothing was left nor standing.

Just bare, broken & ugly.

Right before everyone.

But at the same time, beautiful.

Why, because now that there is nothing left, God can shine his light so brightly, no one needs to see me.

There is no reason for my existence, except to exist for his purpose and glory.

I decrease, so he can increase.

I exist so God can use me, a broken yet willing vessel.

It's okay.

To not make everything about me.

It's okay not get everything I want.

I just want my Jesus.

I just want to live my life through the Spirit so I can please the Father, call on my Father, who will take care of me.

God give me your eyes, your ears, your heart.

Help me to love as you do.

To be more like you.

Holy, Set apart,

I want to help others to see it's okay to be broken, because God you are only one who can fix us.

great weekend!!

2008-05-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

1. Bought a Gibson Les Paul Custom. My dream guitar (been desiring one for like 7 years). Please don't ask me how much I spent.

2. Friday, played a show with my band, three people came. So we played for them. They drove all the way from Sturgis, MI. We actually played the best show that we have ever played.
Brought home $3.00. haha.

3. Sunday, Baptized my very dear friend Elaina. :-) ohhhh! My heart rejoices because I have seen the fruit of her salvation!!

4. Recorded today (Monday) with my band. YIKES!!! It's pretty heavy stuff. Looking for a new crowd to market to now since I am no longer acoustic. HA!

5. Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my 3 year wedding anniversary :-) so Judah and I are going out of town. yay!

6. Wednesday, Recording again.

:-)

Grace and Vines. Apart from God I can do nothing.

2008-05-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

God gives grace to the humble.

God, humble me, and give me grace.
Cause I need it.

BOY DO I NEED IT!!!!

But anyways.

I just want to thank God right now, through my frustration (at stupid people, who shouldn't have the job they have, because they suck at it, and I know people who could do far better of a job then they do...)

Thank you God for my friends, and family.
I love them and without them I would be nothing.
And without God, I would be nothing.

Jesus let me flourish on the vine!!!

Believe it or not!

2008-05-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

This is what I did this weekend.

There is me first person on the Left, with my mouth open!

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=snYSLtFPjJE

You can click the link above and watch a video that gives you a small preview of what I was part of. I am so blessed to have lead worship for the Believe tour!

Later,

jess

It was a blast!

awesome!!!

2008-04-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

So here is a little story about my friend Elaina.

I met her at Kohl's.

We both were EMR (early morning replenishment) so we worked together very closely for 6 months before I took the internship at River Valley. We both had starting working around the same time, so we become friends almost immediately, both feeling a little awkward around EMR veterans since we we were new.

As I got to know the people I worked with at Kohl's I started to share my beliefs, here and there, and I made sure that my actions reflected Christ.

As Elaina and I hung out more at work I shared more of my faith with her, one on one, and she told me that she liked what I believed and she was considering becoming a Christian. Elaina's parents grew up in two different faiths, so it was hard for her when she was growing up not really knowing which faith she should be part of.

Her dad was Catholic, her mom protestant.

Elaina, has always had a faith in God, but over the past year I have had the privilege of watching her grow.

God did amazing things between the two of us as we worked at Kohl's. I starting praying with her during our lunch breaks, and we would call each other on the phone and talk for hours.

We began to invite each other over to our houses, go out on coffee dates. She had questions about what I believed, I had questions about what she believed and we always had respect for each others opinions and beliefs.

I invited her to church a few times, and she loved it!

I remember the day we came home from church, she told me how the songs we sang lifted her spirit, and she couldn't help wanting to praise God!

River Valley offered me the internship so I left Kohl's gladly,(due to poor management) but at the same time I was really disappointed because I wouldn't be spending everyday with Elaina anymore, plus the other people that I had grown very close to while working at Kohl's.

But I made sure that I still kept in contact with Elaina.

Over the next couple months I began to see such a great change in her heart.

We began sharing what God was doing in our lives.

It was so awesome to be able to call each other up and ask one another for prayer.

Our friendship has grown immensely over the past year and half.

We don't see one all the time, but we talk on the phone at least 2 times a week.

We still hang out with each other too when we can.

Wednesday night, I got a call from her.

She was sharing with me all that God has been doing for her, her cat's leg was broken so badly that the vets thought they would have to amputate it, but God miraculously healed the leg, so no amputation was needed.

She also had someone pay for the entire doctors bill for her cat. Nearly $500.

She has been going through some rough stuff, but God has been pulling her through.

Then she said that she had been thinking about baptism.

How she is ready to take the next step in her faith.

I told her how perfect! River Valley is going to be doing baptisms next month!!!

She also said she is interested in ministry.

HOW AMAZING!

I am so excited to see how God is working in Elaina's heart!!

I am so excited that she wants to know him more and live for him more!

Please pray for her as she continues to live for Christ.

Pray that I will be a faithful friend. And faithful to praying for her.

I am excited to see the adventures ahead of us.

Anyways, enough of my excitement!

I just can't help be feel joy in my heart to see how God is working!

He is good.

2008-04-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

This is my best friend's future husband. She doesn't know him yet, but she will know him when she sees him.

Mom and Dad

2008-04-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

I love my mom and dad.

They have helped me become who I am.

Mom, has always been the one to help me with my relationship with God. She always told me that she would rather me know God more than anything else in this world. She has shown me laughter through tears, and how to be there for others. That I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks and that I should go for my dreams, even if they are crazy!

And my dad has always helped me to toughen up, and get over myself. He pushes me to go above and beyond what I can ever imagine myself doing. He has shown me how to live life without fear and If I work really hard at what I do, and I stay determined and I don't give up, then I can see possitive results, even if I don't get what I want, there is always something I can learn along the way.

Although over the years I have had many disagreements with them, and still do, I love them more and more. I have grown to appreciate them. Their company means more to me now than ever and I care for them more. I realize just how much I didn't care, and I am sad because of it, but I've been trying to show them lately just how much they matter to me. Even though I messed up over the years, I really want to love them and respect them. I want to sacrifice for them like they did for me. I want to give them hope, like they have for me as well.

I've learned so much from them. Because of them, I am me.

Thanks mom and dad for loving me and never giving up on me.

just some thoughts

2008-04-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

So things are changing.
At home. My Brother in law and his wife have moved out.
Kinda sad.
I will miss them. But I won't complain about it, because I complained to much when they lived at the house (in private of course).

Sometimes I don't understand why people have to be rediculous though.
It's not my life, I can't make decisions for them.

Well on a different note, in the next few weeks I am going to be giving a message to the jr. high students about "DATING"!!!

Boy are they in for a treat!!
Muaahahaha, because I don't believe in dating, especially when the kids can't even drive, or pay for their own dates.

But anyways, I was thinking and praying about how Jesus handled relationships.
And because Jesus never dated, that kind of makes things hard.
But he does have a bride,
the church. And scripture paints a beautiful picture on how he loves his bride the church.

It's the perfect example of love, devotion and purity.

Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

I can't stop these kids from dating.
But I can make them think about it.
Since dating helps you find your potential spouse, I don't think it's a good idea to date unless they are willing to take on what Christ did.
The Bible is clear that we are reflect Christ.

Jesus Sacrificed everything for us, the ones he loves.
IN our relationships we should do the same.

So my whole point is, if we can't glorify and reflect Christ in our relationships...
Then we shouldn't be having those relationships at all.
We need to be glorifying him in every word, thought and deed, and keeping ourselves, holy, pure and set apart.
That is what Christ has done for us, and we need to help each other do the same and that can't be done when dating is all about fufilling what you want. Emotion, physical security, all the things we need to find in God, and not another person.
Christ didn't do what he did for a good time, or good tingly feelings in his body, he didn't do what he did for idenity and approval in anything but God.
That is all dating promotes, good times, good feelings, idenity, and appoval of the opposite sex.
And when you are sick and tired of not getting those feelings anymore you just dump that person, forget they were every part of your life, when in reality they still are, especially because your heart was given to that person.
I want to encourage these kids to get to know the opposite sex without having to "give their hearts and bodies away so carelessly, and without loosing their focus on Jesus."
It's so hard to focus on Christ when you have someone else taking that attention away.
They can get to know the opposite sex, they can hang out with the opposite sex, but to give their love, devotion, time, hearts to someone that isn't even going to spend the rest of their life with, to me, seems like a waste.
God has plans for them. I know so many kids who throw away what God had once placed in their hearts all because of a boy, or girl.
I actually almost became one of those people, if it weren't for God's mercy.

Now I know that a lot of the kids won't like the idea, and that is okay.
I just want to challenge them to think of how Christ treats his love.

Relationships that glorify God, should be ones that are serving, growing, and leading others to him. Sacrificing earthly, fleshly desires to please God.
In a sense that, when we are in a relationship, wether dating, engaged, married, friends, we are a body, and together, we are preparing ourselves to be united with our groom Jesus Christ.
Together, we can be pure, blameless, holy, and presentable to our Groom.
And that is the beauty of relationships that make God happy.
When we loose ourselves, when we become the vine and branches, the Bride and Groom, becoming one flesh.

:-)

update

2008-03-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

Many many things have gone on in the past few weeks.
Let me update.

1. My husbands family is going through a really tough time. Now I don't want to go into detail, but I request that God would lead you to pray, especially for my brother-in-law and his wife.
They are both very precious to Judah and I and it breaks our hearts to see the pain in their lives.

2. I need to go in and get my blood tested because I have been having problems with my sugar levels lately. I suspect it may be hypoglycemia, which my mom and her father both have.

3. I've been writting a ton of music lately. But one of the most exciting things for me is I have a drummer/percussionist/keyboardist to accompany me at my shows now. Aaron Busenbark. He plays drums on the worship team at River Valley.
We've been booking tons of shows, and I seem to be getting a better response now that someone else is playing with me :-)
(Come to Borders Bookstore , on Grape Rd. this Friday ,Mar.28 7pm-8:30pm, to hear me and Aaron play!)

4. River Valley decided over the past few months to put me on for my second year internship as a worship leader.
But Today they told me they are going to higher me as the part time worship leader.
I now oversee Middle school and they just added 4th-5th grade to my list of job duties.
I am totally excited, way beyond what you can imagine.

5. I am learning to communicate.
It's tough but, good.

6. I am gonna get my hair cut.
We'll see how it turns out.

OH yeah!

Delightfully Yours

2008-03-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

"Give me your heart, and let your eyes delight in my ways."

Proverbs 23:26

God, take my heart, take my everything, though it isn't much, I pray you are pleased.

Let me eyes love what you love and my eyes see what you see,

God I want to be more like you, be my hope and my strength everlasting.

what I want

2008-03-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

There are days when I feel like giving up.
The mornings come and rising from my bed is a struggle.
There are days when the glass is half empty
My eyes are red and swolen, I'm too tired and I can't see

I don't always understand
That's okay,
I just need a little more faith
Some days I desire so many things,
But I want isn't always what I need.

Sometimes what I want isn't what I really hoped for.
Sometimes what I want isn't always what I get.
Sometimes what I want isn't what I could handel.
Sometimes what I want isn't what I expect.

Sometimes what I want isn't always what I need.

God be all that I need.
Become my wants and my everything.

cars and graveyards

2008-03-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

So I've decided that the graveyard that is about 5 miles down the road from my home is my secret/quite place. And the place that I meet God the most is in my car.

So therefore in my car at the graveyard = best place to be when I am sad and troubled.

Last night I had just about had it, so I got in my car at 11pm last night and drove to the graveyard sat there, yelled, cussed, cried, wrote, prayed.

I have to be honest, it was NOT beautiful.

I told God some not nice things, not about Him, I love God, but about my life.

The honest truth is I don't want to change.

And I hate that I feel this way.

So my prayer is that I desire to change.

I don't know how many times I have to pound it through my head and heart, that this life isn't about what I want, it's desiring what God wants.

UHHHHH!!!

Heart please change! Please!

I am so full of pride.

That is more truth right there.

Anyways.

I am grateful for my car.

The "car" in general has always been my safe haven.

Even when I was a kid.

All we ever did was travel, so the car is where me and my family spent time together, and slept, ate, did school work, sang, even played my guitar.

I wrote a silly little poem about my home the car.

"This car is the only home I have ever known.

It's the place where me and my lover meet alone.

Summer, Spring, Winter, Fall

I don't care where I am as long as I am in my car.

I'm as happy as can be when I hit the open road.

As long as I am in this car, I am right where I want to be, home."

Mr. & Mrs. Cinderella

2008-03-06T06:12:00.001-08:00

I so LOATHE and DETEST favoritism.

I am sick of cleaning the house and never getting thanked, when someone else decides to do the slightest amount of chore and is praised for their efforts.

I am sick of getting notes requesting to remember to clean up after our selves, even though "we" are the only ones who clean up after our selves and God forbid that we might leave a few crumbs on the kitchen stove "ONCE".

I am sick and tired of feeling like we can't live in our home, while no one else is made to feel that way.

I am sick of paying more rent, taking care of the house, the animals, keeping the house warm, and keeping it clean, while NO ONE else lifts a finger.

I am sick of waking up in the morning, leaving the house and seeing a heart drawn on the snow glistened car window of "the beloveds."

I am sick of feeling like Mr. and Mrs. Cinderella.

"This life isn't meant to make us happy, nor anyone else, it's meant for making God happy.
I want the day to come, when I will consider it PURE joy, the trials that come my way, and if I never see an end to this unhappiness, that I will find JOY in the God who does love me.
A God who isn't a God of favortism, a God who loves each and everyone of us equally, WHO HAS a HEAVENLY home for us, and will be welcoming, and never make me feel like I can't stay, but let me know that it is my home.

OH how I hope for my home in heaven, more than ever.
I don't want to Store Treasures on earth, but in heaven, for this earthly home only has things that will rot and waste away.

God change me, not my circumstances, so that I may bring glory to your name.

Give me strength.

If that is one thing I can learn, this earth isn't my home.
And that God is the only one that I need to make happy, and that God is the only one who can make me happy."

Wisdom of God's Spirit

2008-03-04T08:14:00.000-08:00

I was praying last night, about wisdom, and wisdom for others, especially when it comes to tough things in life. When we think that we have the answers, and we look to the world for answers, We can't find or understand what we need, unless we have God's Spirit in us, showing us the way.
This is what God answered me with.
I love when this happens.

1 Corinthians 2:12-16

12We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.[a] 14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: 16"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?"[b] But we have the mind of Christ.

errrrr!

2008-03-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

I am really struggling with being annoyed lately.
It's like a sickness and it keeps getting worse.
I don't like how it's effecting me.

God please help me rid of this.
I want to be more like you.

Incompetent? yes, but Christ in me is not.

2008-02-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon, one of the students who plays guitar on the worship team, interviewed me as a musician for a school project he is doing for career center.

As soon as he started asking me questions I felt this feeling of incompetence rush over me.
I am just a kid myself, I just happened to start working at a music career at a young age. I wouldn't even say I have much of a career in it, but I am working towards one.

I felt completely unworthy to even be interviewed.
Yes I am a worship leader "intern". Yes I am a music teacher, Yes I am a songwriter, and I've been doing these things for about 8 years now, but I am still learning so much. I haven't had that much experience now that I think about it.

I felt completely humbled, because I realized just how much I don't know.
Yes I was able to answer his questions, but the thought of this kid thinking I am cool enough to interview, ah, I wish he knew how much of a loser I am. How I am really not that cool pursuing a career that isn't financially sustaining.

Sometimes when I think about the life I want to pursue I feel embarrassed.
Being a musician is a poor lifestyle...
It really can't support a family through it.
Yes I have hopes of making it big, but there is always that fear in me that says, " NO you probably won't."
And that is okay if I don't, but in the mean time I can't help but wonder if I am wasting my time.

I do have 2 other jobs to help make a living, but in the mean time because of them it's hard to pursue a life as a musician, especially on the road. I can't leave because I don't have money, and if I keep working I can't travel.

I don't want to give up on my dreams because they seem impossible.

I trust that God will take care of me and my family no matter what, but I do want to be responsible.

I didn't want to tell the kid that it really shouldn't be a career he should pursue.
It's so hard...
But when I get up on stage, and I tell my people my stories through music, when I share my heart, when I meet new people, when I see that my music has helped people I can't help but want to keep doing what I am doing.

When people like my music, when people connect with it, when life inspires me to write a song, when troubles, when fears, when hopes, when love invade my soul, I can't help but write, and I can't help but share.

I am to scared to talk to people, so I sing.

I know God made this way for a reason, and I am ever grateful.

I told this kid that he should never give up, no matter what anyone says to him.
If it's something you love, do it.
I told him also to be content, that is something that God is really teaching me.

I think I am learning to be content, I know things take time, and I know that this is just a season.
I love the work that I am doing now, I love working at the church, I love leading worship, I love working with students and I love playing shows on the weekends.

I am just anxious to play other states, and meet new people.
I know God will help me through all this.
I know that God will make me more like him.
I know that God has things planned for me that I can't even imagine, even if they don't have anything to do with music, I know they will be God.
For "He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me,... I shall seek him and find him when I seek with all my heart."

Even though being a musician doesn't make a lot of money,
the reward is seeing people's lives changed through what God has done in my life.
If that is all I am suppose to do, is continue to share my heart, to bring glory to God, to give what God has given me and never expect anything in return, then I think I am heading down the right path.

Let everything I do bring glory to His name, not to mine.
Let everything I do bring others to Him.

Christ gave his everything and expects nothing in return but Glory to his Father.
I pray that through all my feelings of unworthiness, and incompetence, through my fears and my doubts, hopes and dreams... that Christ would give me strength to keep pursuing a life that doesn't expect anything in return, but Glory to him.
So that others may see, and know him more.
TO be changed.

I am going to end with a prayer that is by Saint Patrick.

"Christ be with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit, Christ where I arise.
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every one who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Christ.
May your salvation Lord, be ever with us.
AMEN. "

I've been tagged, but I don't know 7 people on here to tag back so I guess I will find 7 people to do so. :-)

2008-02-22T21:07:00.001-08:00

7 random things about the infamous Jess

Before we get started, just a little side note: If you are interested in doing this, go to this blog http://beediva.blogspot.com/

Now you can read : 7 random things about the infamous Jess

1. When I was thirteen I drove to Wisconsin with my Parents, Brother and Grandpa and had lunch with someone I had met in an online pool room. Creepy now that I look back on it. The kid was my age, he also brought his Mom, and sister (in fear that I was an online predator). Luckily neither one of us was.
It was the weirdest thing ever... almost.

2. I went to Ukraine when I was 16 on a mission trip, while I was there a Ukrainian Pastor tried to marry me off to his youngest son. The son prepared a whole entire meal, very impressive one, yes, in my personal opinion, not for my mission team, but for me. Very scary... but cute. I was betrothed to Judah at the time, so my heart belonged back in the States, not with a Ukrainian PK.

3. When I was really little, I was intrigued that men could stand up and urinate, I didn't understand why of course. I wondered why I had never tried it, seemed like it would be easier. I pulled the seat up, faced the toilet and spread my legs so I could stand over the toilet.
I FAILED! and urinated all over my legs. Learned my lesson that taking a seat on the porcelain bowl is much easier.

4. I could eat pizza every day of my life, especially if it had fresh mushrooms on it. Love them mushrooms.

5. Growing up I wanted to marry a famous rockstar, and then I wanted to become a nun, because I realized that would never be a reality. Then one day I met Judah my husband, and was immediately swept away by his hottness. Forget rockstar, Judah is a freaking model.
(actually, the reason why I married Judah is because he was the only man I had ever met who was handsome, kind, Godly, did I mention hott and was waiting for his spouse, just like I was, we have dated and kissed no one else but each other.)

6. I want to live on a tour bus, play shows 300 days out of the year, raise a family in the process.
My heart, yearns for the road. Yearns to share my music. Yearns to bring hope through my music.

7. Before I was thirteen, the church I attended at the time, the pastor left the church. He and his wife were the worship leaders also. They felt that I was the person to become the worship leader of the church with no pastor. I knew nothing about it, other than I loved to sing. I really couldn't even play much music.
I was so terrified of leading a congregation into worship that I would put two artificial trees in front of the piano I played. I didn't want anyone to see me, if they did I couldn't lead.
Every few weeks people would pull the trees apart, just a little bit until eventually I was able to lead worship without them. Ever since then, leading worship is something that I have always done.

2008-02-21T07:13:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder why some people don't get it.

thinking

2008-02-18T18:16:00.000-08:00

I watched this movie last night called, Children of Men.
WOW! A crazy movie. But it really made me think hard about a lot of things.
I wrote this really long poem, and I would like to post it up. Maybe tomorrow I will.
But if you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It's tough to watch and it has a bit of swearing in it, but it really makes you think.

Valentine's Get away!!!!

2008-02-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

I am surprising my Judah and taking him away tonight!
hahaha, and he doesn't even know!
not at all.
I am so excited.
I have been wanting to explode for the past couple days just thinking about it.

I don't normally celebrate Valentine's Day, because I think it's kinda cheesy, and extremely commercial, but it just so happened that everything fell into place perfectly and today, Feb. 14th.

That's okay though.

I love my husband so much, I hope he likes the surprise. Plus I bought him some candy.
He like candy.
hehe.

Later...
WITH MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-jess

AAA

2008-02-08T11:18:00.000-08:00

Gotta love AAA.

Why? Because they have locksmiths, who will come out and get your keys out of your locked car.

Now I didn't lock my keys in the car, my sister-in-law did, last night at work.

She asked me to drive her today so we could meet up with the AAA guy.

Luckily I am feeling better, so I didn't have to turn her down.

We went out to lunch together afterwards which was nice, since we haven't done anything together in a very long time.

So we talked for a little bit and shared a meal together, which is always nice, since she is vegetarian as well.

I love her very much, I don't know if she will ever fully know the love that I have for her, but maybe she will someday.

I hope so. It's good to know that you are loved.

Oh if anyone is in a romantic movie mood, you should watch

Sense and Sensibility.

It's such a good movie. My husband even liked it.

It's a story written by Jane Austen. So you should read the book as well, if you like her works that is.

Later friends, I am praising God for my health returning!

sick...again

2008-02-06T13:13:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, early, early morning I started to get really sick to my stomach, and by mid afternoon I pretty much had nothing left in my body.
I lied on the bathroom floor pretty much all morning long and waited for all the nastys to get out of me.
It has been a long time since I've been this sick.
Fortunately today, I am feeling much better and have eaten finally.
I am probably 10 lbs. lighter, but that weight will probably come back to as soon as I start eating full meals again.

I've been eating oatmeal, which a funny thing is, the only time I ever eat oatmeal is when I have a stomach flu. The last time I had one was years and years ago.

I think I got it from one of my students.
But ohwell. Life goes on.

I prayed that God would show me what I need to learn during my hours of pain and sickness,
I realized later on that evening when I called my mom to pray for me.

My husband Judah, he loves me a whole lot.
I haven't been sick like this really since I have known him.
He really took care of me. Cleaned up after me and checked on me through out the night.
He did everything I asked for and more.
He watched movies with me and
He even went to the store to get me some food.
It was really hard for us last night not being able to sleep next to each other and he handled it so well. I felt really bad.
He told me that he was disappointed that he wouldn't be next to me, but he understood that It would be best, since I didn't want to get him sick, plus any extra movement in bed probably would have made me want to vomit.

He is truly a dear.
I am so thankful for him.
Sometimes things like this happen just so you realize how much you need people.
So many times I try to do everything on my own.
I really needed Judah, and he was there for me.

I don't just want to depend on him when I am desperate and helpless.
I think I will try to "need" him more. Not to the point of annoyance, but just more than usual.

I want to be the same with God.
I don't want to need him sometimes, I want to need him all times, when I am lying on the floor in pain, wondering if I will pull through, and when I am running outside enjoying the beautiful weather.

stirring up my soul...

2008-02-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling a stirring of the Holy Spirit in me the past couple days.
Something huge is going to happen! I know it!

I've been praying that God would transform me and use me to further His Kingdom, and I really feel like he is calling me to do more. More than I can imagine.
Especially because I want more of Him. I wan't to experience God in my everyday life, and He is telling me how.
So I am praying.
And waiting.

I know he is going to answer me.
In the mean time, I am extremely overwhelmed, but in a good way.
The kind of overwhelming that makes me weak in the knees knowing that God has called me out of darkness and into His light, and into a beautiful relationship with Him!

I read this quote earlier this week that really touched my heart.
"God became one of us, so that we would become like Him."
I really do want to become more like him.

I don't want to just know truth and never experience Him, and I don't want to experience Him but never have truth(His word).
I want both in my life, so that I can lead others to Him. By living in such a way that God is always showing up in my life and showing me truth.
And God's truth is always being followed by His presence working in my life.

The thought of having both in my life exites me.
It's time to start putting my faith into action and see what God is going to do.
It's time!!
I want the Word to become alive when I share it with others! And I want people to become alive through God's word.

I'm eager to read more of the Bible, because I am eager to share.
I know God will be faithful to helping me understand Him more.

I want my life to change in such a way that I don't mind where I live, and whom I live with.
I want my life to change in such a way that it changes the way people in my home live.

I want to be happy when walk through the doors of my home, not because I have what I want here on this earth, but because I have what my hurting soul has been longing for, a fulfillment of God.

I want to be happy to serve my husband and my family.
I want my face to glow, just like Moses when he encountered God.

I want a soul that is chronically stirring.
I pray this for my friends and for my family.

May your souls always stir with God's presence and so much that you can't ignore the feeling, so much that you overflow with his presence and glory.

feeling up for it...

2008-02-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

I am doing so much better! So tonight me and my Judah are heading over to a friend's house tonight to have dinner and play games!

But before we head over to their house, I have a few errands that I need to run.

1st I am heading to Jumpin Juice and Java, to drop off some fliers for a show I have coming up there.
2nd I am going to Barnes and Nobles to pick up a gift card. The gift card is for a very special person, who owns a venue in Grand Rapids. I am basically hoping that by buying him a gift card he will let me have a show up at his venue. We'll see.

And then off to the post office to send of bills, and letters and so on forth!

Later friends!!!
Love,
jess

Puff the Magic Tissue!

2008-01-31T15:50:00.000-08:00

Thank God for puffs with lotion!

I don't know what I would do with out these puppies. My face would be torn up with out them!

I have gone through boxes, and I mean boxes of tissues in the past 36 hours.

Tuesday I had a horrible cough, by the end of the evening it started to hurt. I thought for sure I was going to die. Wednesday I woke up with a fever and I gaged through out the rest of the morning. I managed to sleep though for 17 hours.

I couldn't get out of bed. Luckily my work was closed because of snow. I could barely move, my body hurt so much. I didn't eat , but I did drink a few cups of water. And within that 17 hours I think I got up to pee once. I was just so dehidrated.

Anyways! I managed to get myself to work today and teach a music lesson.

I am doing much better. Thank God.

My parents and my lil bro are sick too. My mom seems to be worse than I am though.

She called me up Tuesday morning to tell me she was sick, and I of course was the same. So we bonded over our cell phones in the comfort of our own beds.

I know that if I keep relaxing and taking it easy I should be better by the weekend.

I hope I don't get Judah or anyone else sick.

I pray against it in Jesus Name!

Bringing Peace in the Middle East

2008-01-29T11:21:00.000-08:00

http://www.buyshoessavelives.com/. you must read about this organization. it is truly amazing!

2008-01-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

It's just one of those days where all I want to do is sleep.

Oddly enough I don't mind if the weather stays cold, or if there is snow on the ground, or if the days are short. I know that spring is on it's way, but I am really having a hard time thinking about the future.

I am struggling with so many things right now. Making big decisions and wondering if I should get another job.

There are a few things that have been on my heart.

1. finding a new home

2. making something more of my music

3. adopting a child

4. leaving the country on a mission trip

5. supporting an organization that is bringing peace in the middle east

I know all these things are a going to be a process. I am impatient, I want these things to happen now! I want to have these things by spring, but I know that I won't.

I want to be happy with where I am at, and be content in knowing that God is preparing me for these things, but I can't help but feel a little depressed that there isn't much progress.

Meet Jessica Stacy

2008-01-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

This is my best friend in the whole world since 7th grade.
Jessica Nicole Stacy.
Isn't she gorgeous? Now she doesn't know that I have this blog, and she doesn't know that I am writting about her, so this is a total secret between us.
But I wan't you all to know something about her.
Her love for God is amazing. Her heart is beautiful.
I have seen God transform her life, completely and totally.
The person I knew in 7th grade is not the person I know now.
She has become so amazing.

Jess has had a tough life. But she still holds on.
I am really proud of her. She probably doesn't even realize how proud of her I am, but that is okay, she knows that I love her.

She is a worship intern just like me.
We grew up leading student worship at Christian Center Church, in South Bend.
And We served together in children's ministy over the years.

Jess is a dreamer like me.We have so many dreams together.
We dream of when we will have children of our own, and we hope that they are the same age so they can hang out and be friends like we are.
We talk about music and worship. We dream about owning a local radio station, and a music school. We dream of making South Bend/Mishawaka a place that people want to be, instead of having to travel to Chicago, or New York, or California.
We want to see this place flourish with arts and music and a community of people who can grow and express themselves through art and music.
We have dreams that this town can become awesome.

Someday I am going to buy her something to help fufill those dreams.

We've gone through a lot together too. My family is basically her family, and my family loves her a lot. She is like my sister.
I don't get to see Jess that often, because we both work a lot.

I hope that you will get to meet her in person.

She is going through a really hard time right now, so if you could ,pray for her.
Ever since I have known her, she hasn't had a brake from hardships. But her faith is inspiring, I pray she contiunes to stay strong.

Anyways, I just wanted to share with you this awesome woman in my life.

p.s.
I am grateful for her.
Thanks God for wonderful friends who love you so.

blegh!!!!

2008-01-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

Life can be so frustraiting at times.
But if I would just take the focus off myself, it wouldn't be so bad.

God has been doing some amazing things in my life, and Satan is doing his best to bring me back to place I was before.
I don't want to let him win!

I am more than a conqueror.
And nothing can seperate me from the love of God.

I am so grateful for all that God has done for me, and it's time that I start living that way.

I am really having a hard time with my family lately. It's so hard to love them.
I just got rid of one sin in my life...and now another one is brewing inside me.
I have a problem with bitterness.
I REAL big problem with it.

I can't stand people who are hypocritical and show favortism.

I don't want to go into details, other than it's eating me up inside.
I specifically, do what I can to stay away from my home, so that I can be at peace in my heart.

I just recently made peace with my brother-in-law's girlfriend. No longer do I have a grudge against her... And I felt so free and closer to God since then.
Now I have another grudge.
I don't want this.
It make my insides hurt, literally.

I don't know if there is a spirit of grudge in my home or what, or if this is my weekness. But I want God to take control.

Please pray for me.I want to walk in God's fullness and glory, but I can't when I am allowing my flesh to have it's way.

I am learning so much, and I am becoming new everyday, but when my old nasty self starts coming back, it's time to fight back even harder.
I know I can win this battle.
I know that I can be free.
I am sick and tired of tasting God's goodness, I want to be submerged and overflowing with Him.

This soon shall pass.

2007-12-21T16:40:00.000-08:00

hooray! for ...

2007-12-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend has been more than exciting for me.
I got to meet some really cool people (Chris Blaney from 3 coast artist agency and probably one of my new favorite people ever and Ben from Skillet), I got to open for a really cool band (Skillet), I got to play with a really cool band(Etna Green, my new music family), I got to see one of my favorite bands perform (Over the Rhine) and I got to hang out with my friends and see my friends all of this weekend.(Thanks to all who have been praying for me and my husband about the show.)

:-) plus my husband Judah, has blessed me in so many ways. He took me out to play pool tonight and he bought me favorite drink in the world, chai tea.

Anyways.
I have so much that I want to say, but I am not on my computer.

But when I get a chance, I am going to post up some photos from the show and maybe, just maybe I might be able to put a video up.

Love,
jess

reflection time.

2007-12-05T09:53:00.000-08:00

it's been a while, I know.
I am going to try and be more faithful to keeping up on this blog.
It helps me to feel better at times, just because when I type what I am feeling and read it, then I can make sense of it.
Sometimes I agree and other times I don't, that is after I have read what I have typed.

God is doing a lot in my soul lately.
He has been cleaning and making room for Him.
He has been squished into my heart along with junk and various feelings and emotions, idols and pride.
The walls of my heart were hardened for a while, but now they are softing up since God has made himself more at home.
Which I like actually.

I am learning to be honest.
Honest with myself and honest with God.
He knows me best, but sometimes I don't feel like he does, or I try to impress him, and justify my sin.

He knows all to well that I am sinner, and I know he shakes his head when he looks at me, I know that he thinks I am silly,
And he is constantly reminding me, " Jess you aren't perfect, that is why I sent you my Son, so quit acting like you are, only I am."

Ha, yes! I know it now more than ever, because it's all about letting him shine light in the darkest places.
Why do I hide? Because I am afraid?
Afraid of what?
Admitting that I am wrong, admitting that I am not perfect, and all this admitting goes straight to God.

It's been painful the past few weeks, but I've been finding freedom and redemption in doing so.
I've been confessing so much of my sin to God, to my husband, to my friends and my family and I open and exposed now, vunerable, most of all to God.

Now it hasn't been easy, but it's been liberating.
Liberation is something I haven't experienced in a long Time.

My hearts desire has been to be completely blameless before God, even though I am a sinner.
I want to walk away from my habitual sin and learn how to walk in confidence knowing that my Father in Heaven is constantly shaping me and molding me into His likeness...
BUT only if I let him.

I don't have to be condemened any longer when I choose to clothe myself in HIS righteousness, when I choose his will over my own.

I am more aware than ever of what God is trying to say to me and do in my life.
I truly want more of Him and less of me.

I am even going to make right things that I have made wrong.

And is it going to be easy, no I know it wont.
But this is me taking the next step in my faith, taking action, because faith with out works is dead.
I want to be at peace with God and peace with others and I want to treat my friends and family like I really do love them.

I know I will mess up in the process, but I will keep running this race, and when I am tired I will let God be my strength.

Anyways.

Thanks friends and family.
Thanks for loving me.
Thanks for not giving up on me, for reflecting Christ.

2007-11-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

The show went great last weekend.
it was truly amazing.
We had the best crowd out of all the bands, it was just too much fun.

I'm in a meeting right now, eating pizza and not really focusing at the moment, since I am on this.
so I am ending this blog for now.

later!

if you are available!?!

2007-10-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

Hey if you aren't doing anything
Nov. 3rd at 8:00pm come see me perform with a band for the first time ever.
New material and everything, I am really excited and I really want to share this moment with as many people as possible.

It's at 718 Donmoyer Ave. South Bend, IN 46614
The underground cafe is the name of the place.
and it's only $8.00 at the door, unless you are a student, it's $6.00.

I hope you can because it's not going to be a regular thing for me to play with a band.
SO try to! You'll love it I can guarantee it!!

Bring friends, family, enemies, acquaintances, dates, ect.

okay well anyways.

boy oh boy

2007-10-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror, I think I look like a boy.
And then I look at my driver's license and I am convinced I look like a boy.
Ask me sometime to see my license, it' horrific.
If I had a scanner I would scan it, but anyways.

2007-10-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-10-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

I want to find my value in Christ.

I don't want to dress a certain way, look a certain way to make people want to be around me, like me, want me, notice me, find me beautiful or attractive, I want the beauty of Christ living in me to attract others to Christ, to want to know him, to notice the change in my life caused by Him.

I am feeling really ashamed of myself because I can see this sin in my life.
I am egotistical and full of myself.
I am Selfish and I want the approval of man rather than God.

God help me to find who I am in you.
Help me to realize just how much you love me and desire me.
You have plans to protect me and prosper me.
You know my thoughts and my deeds, every hair on my head.

God please forgive me for trying to hard to find fulfillment in what people think of me rather than what you think of me.

Your love never fails.
The way you see me will never change.
You love me and I want to love you.

Father God, be the lover of my soul.
Be the reason I live and breathe.
Be with me when I rise and when I sleep.
When I eat and drink.
And when I get ready for the day, when I fix my hair and when I put my clothes on.
Let me exude you and not me.
Because you are the one who deserves all the glory and praise.

I love you God, this is my hearts cry right now.
I believe you will change me.
I am sorry, and sorry to all.

Chicago

2007-10-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

I love Chicago.
Yesterday me and one of my very close friends since middle school went and spent the whole day there.
We went to the art museum and the planetarium.
It was amazing walking around the art institute all day.
I wish I lived in Chicago so I could just go there and look at the art and think all day. I felt so relaxed and so happy looking at all the art work from 100s of years ago.

I got to see one of my new favorite artist's works, it was so exciting to see how one person could create such beauty with their hands.
Here are some of James Whistler's works:

Beautiful.
It makes my heart sing.

The great thing about Chicago is all the people.
I love how busy it is. I love how noisy it is.
Everyone is unique, and I felt right at home, because so often I feel out of place, but in Chicago I didn't.

I am going back next weekend.
It's odd to me how one place can become so addicting.

quay

2007-09-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today was a fun day.
First thing I did today.
1. shower(for church, cause you gotta be clean when you go)
2. drive
3. lead worship
4. drive home
5. complain to husband
6. played rummikub and won twice in a row
7. attempt to play scrabble (failed miserably)
8. eat soup and bread
9. change clothes
10. watch friend Justin, fly a cool kite (he failed to do so)
11. play a great game of Frisbee (sorta failed, but had some sweet moves)
12. sister-laws rabbit chewed through his leash and tried to escape(failed to do so)
13.tried to do a Russian dance(failed)got a sweet rug burn though in the process
14. made chai and put it in the fridge to cool
15. Everyone suggested we get shakes from Steak and Shake (success!)
16. visit parents house
17. played boggle (didn't win)
18. discovered many words that do not exist, like quay
19. went to the bathroom at some point
20. chillin, typing on this thing, probably go home and drink chilled chai.

Fantastic.

THat is pretty much my day, and it still isn't over. Can you imagine how many things I will do in the next couple hours?
Who knows.

Thanks friends and family for making such a great day.

Thanks Justin, Arian and Judah for overseeing my blog, every last minute, word, sentence.
You pretty much made my blog.

the end.

2007-09-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Meet Henry the VIII

He is the new fish in the Strantz Manor.
My sister-in-law Arian, her other fish Frisco Melt went home to be with the Lord yesterday morning. So we brought Henry the VIII home to her to keep her company.

I took these pics of him this morning and boy did he love it.
He kept posing for me, just like a King would.
He is very Royal looking I think.

Anyways. He is pretty cool.
We love him a lot and since he has been home with us he has made us very happy.

I think he will bring a whole new reputation to the name Henry the VIII.

The Creator of change!

2007-09-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

This morning on my way to work I was praying.

Praying that God would bring change to my heart and my family.

That he would make us more like him.

And this is how God reply's to my prayer.

I look up out my front window and my eyes are led straight to a tree, the leaves are changing from green to bright orange and gold, it was the only tree on the street that was changing colors and I immediately heard a small voice say,

"Just as I change the color of the leaves and get everything ready for fall, so will I change you and get you ready for the new season."

It was like God took my face in his hands and said look, it's all good because I take care of everything in my timing.

I just felt so loved this morning because God came and revealed himself to me.

It's interesting.

Before I started working at River Valley, I worked at Kohl's and because I was up so early in the morning I never really had time to spend with God unless I spent my whole 15-20 min. drive with Him.

Those mornings I drove to work at 5am were the most special times I had. God really met me in those early hours and I can honestly say that the car was and still is my quiet place.

I enjoy riding in the car talking to God, for some odd reason I just feel he speaks to me mostly when I there.

Anyways.

I just thought I would share this wonderful moment in my life, where God meets man in the simplest yet coolest ways.

the story of two mrs. strantzs

2007-09-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

This is my sister-in-law Arian Strantz.

I love her to death. Even though she is an in-law she is more like a real sister to me.
The other day we took a journey back to the days when we played dress up and wished we could princesses of beautiful kingdoms. We possed in front of the camera wearing some antique jewelry we stumbled upon in the old Strantz Manor.

Here are some pics. Rather interesting, but a blast , especially because everyone was wondering what we were up to when we were walking around the house wearing the things we were wearing.

Our father-in-law asked us what we were doing, and I said "We are playing dress up, because that is what girls do best!"

I am never to old to be a little girl, and even though I am married and have a job, I never want to loose who I am. I hope that my childish heart will carry on till I am 99 years old, and you know what? I think it will. I think I will always be able to dress up and imagine what life would be like if I were a princess. Even better to think that I am a daughter of King Jesus and I can imagine what heaven will be like, when I get to share his kingdom, when I get to wear robes of His beautiful glory. It's all fun to dream of these things, but one day when I meet my King, it will be the real deal.

Oh it's to good to be true, to have a hope, a hope for the eternal life with Jesus!

Matthew 18:2-5

2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

When I say Jury, you say Duty!

2007-09-12T19:40:00.001-07:00

So I got that beloved letter in the mail a month ago saying my presence has been respectfully demanded to be at the Mishawaka Court house on Sept. 11th. Of course a phone call proceeded the letter a few weeks later.

I went early Tuesday morning as summoned to the court house and sat through a 3 hour process of jury selection.
Guess what. I got picked.
Why? I have not a clue.
6 out of 20 people selected and I was 1 out of 20.
I think it's because I was honest. What was my reason for not being able to stay.

Um sorry judge, I can't stay because I have to work just like everyone else.
No. I just said it's an inconvience.
So let me give you some advice.
Give em a good reason, unless you are like me. To honest.
I can't lie, especially when under oath.
Anways.

It was a rediculous cival case.
A lady was in a MVA had medical bills that she wanted to get payed, plus compensation and pain and suffering and let's just say she just wanted to use this to pay for her new landscaped yard and vacations she had recently taken with her family, plus the fact that she had horrible back pain, due to the expensive high heal shoes she was wearing.

The defendant. An old man. Whom we believe had no insurance and was paying out of his own pocket.
We the jury did what was right.
Gave the lady just enough money to pay off her medical bills and left her with a few thousand to pay off her attourney at law.
Which in my personal opinon had no real evidence, or argument for this case, neither did the defendant's attourney.

It was a dissappointing but satisfactory case.
The look on the face of the woman and her lawyer made me happy.
They thought for sure we would have pity on her for her "getting old pains" not car accident pains and let the old man pay for every medical bill encoured till the day they both die.
Nope.
Not here.
Yes the old man needed to take responsibilty for his recklessness.
But she didn't need to take all his money either.
What can I say.
Justice was served.
The best part is every juror got along pretty well.

Plus I asked if we could pray before we made the descisions and everyone agreed.
I was scared out of my mind to ask 5 total strangers to pray with me before we many any move, and they all agreed.
Happily agreed to pray with me.

how cool is that.

Anyways.
Two days of jury duty has wore me out.
I am off.

Fufilment

2007-09-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

Tonight we had (Jake Robaska, Andrew Gadson and I) our very first middle school worship team practice.
Two kids showed up! Thank God though that kids showed up.
It was fantastic.
I was able to devote my whole time to a young girl and We worked on harmonization, which is something she struggles with because she has never worked on it before, so I had the pleasure of showing her how to do it.
It was really cool to see how she is getting it down. Now she isn't able to do it on her own just yet, but she is defiantely going to be able to soon!
I feel really blessed that God has given me the opportunity to share music with kids and teach them how to use their gifts and talents to worship God with them.

God is going to amazing things through these kids, I know it.
I can feel his annointing all over this.

Anyways.
I am so glad that I am able to do this, I look forward to the rest of the year. Getting to know these kids, teaching them music, showing them what worship is all about, I feel like I am right at home, and closer to God. I know it makes him happy and I am finding fufilment in doing what pleases him.

spirit fingers

2007-09-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

haha, so today Judah and I, his brother Reuben and his wife Arian (both whom I love very much)
we went to see a movie today and on our way home there was this kid that was behind us thumping away to his "METAL" music. We thought it would be pretty hilarious if we put our hands out the window and made spirit fingers thrashing up and down an air guitar, so we did, and it was awesome.

So it get's better.
We were on Capital Rd. heading towards the bybass and the kid passes us, no big deal right. Well we got caught by a train and he was stopped right in front of us, no big deal, expect the guy that was parked in front of him got out of his car and asked if downtown Mishawaka was over the the tracks, the kid said yes (we heard all this because our windows were down). We all looked at each other and thought what is this kid thinking, he apparently doesn't realize that Mishawaka is behind us. So we thought how horrible would it be if we didn't tell him. So I was voted to get out of the car and inform the man that there was no need to wait for the train because all he needed to do was turn left at the light (Lincolnway) and he would be in downtown Mishawaka.

I ran out of the car past the kid (whose license plates said Michigan, no wonder he didn't know where Mishawaka was) and up to the window of these guy who would headed to the middle of nowhere.
Poor guy. Plus I scared the crap out of him when I approached his window.

How odd to just be in front of this kid with spirit fingers ablaze and then to be in front of him again this time out of my car and correcting his poor driving directions.

The man was greatful because he was able to turn around and head to his destination which was the Mishawaka Tavern and play his gig. It felt nice helping the guy out but really really weird at the same time.

Oh well life is short, I intend to have fun while I can.

frustration!

2007-08-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well I still believe the Lord is good, but because it rained again last night, it flooded our basement and we can't use our toilets, shower, washer machine again.

So this morning I went to take a shower at the church again, this time I brought Gabbie with, and guess what???
The electronic doors don't work, so no one can get into the church building, so no shower at the church. Luckily though Janet Fahey offered her shower to me and Gabbie , so I was only a half hour late for work, not so bad due to last minute inconviences.
But to add to it, when I got to her house I forgot all of my shower supplies, hairbrush, razor, etc., but she let me borrow her stuff. So God still is on the throne, he is just suprising me in different ways to let me know he is still caring for me, and loving me, just in ways I am not expecting.

Haha, but God has helped me keep calm. Really, I can only give the praises to God.

So tonight I think I will have a sleepover at my mom's house.
Relax and just enjoy this life while I can.

I can't do this without God, if I were doing this all alone my hair would be out of my head.

PRAISES!!!

2007-08-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

Thank the Lord, Hallelujah we can use our water again.
This morning I took a shower in my own, and it felt so nice!!!

Thank you Shell and Christine for offering your home to me to shower and do laundry, I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart!

God is good though! He hears our prayers and gives us strength and refuge when we need it, and he did so for me.
Psalm 59:16
"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble!"

poop

2007-08-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

so our basement flooded, and our septic tank is overflowing again.
The pipe that seperates the water from the sewege is under water and it just keeps backing up.
So no shower, no going to the bathroom, no laundry, no nothing.
We do need the rain though, I just hope it clears up soon so we can get our tank fixed.
It's supposed to rain for the next two weeks.

The biggest thing for me is just getting out of myselfishness.
Yes this is a huge inconveince especially because there are 8 of us living in my house, I just want to give this to God.
So people keep me accountable with my attitude and put me back in my place if I start complaining.

This is out of my hands.

God teach me what I need to learn, and help me to not be such a big baby.

2007-08-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

a game of boggle!
how fun... I ruthlessly beat Gabbie in a game of Boggle.
Well not really, we came very close in points. But boy was it fun.

I took two colon cleanse pills tonight, let's see what happens.
I took one the other night and nothing happened, hmmm, what does that say about me.

Sleepover!!

2007-08-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

This is Me and my Gabbie, she is my niece. She has come to stay the rest of the summer with me and my family. We had a sleepover last night and took endless amounts of photos.

I asked Gabbie if she wanted to have a family some day.

She said yes. I asked how many children she would like to have, and she said "1 2 3". She acutally ment 1-3, but I like to give her a hard time, I will never let her live that down.

Last but least,

the most horrorible photos ever, but very funny.

Ta dah!

CHANGE is GOOD

2007-08-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

So today my husband and I dumped out our mound of change that has accumulated over the past couple years and decided to count it all up and put it rolls so we can take it to the bank tomorrow.
$200 so far . We ran out of rolls , but we will get more. There is so much change, it's crazy.
But it is good.
We are guessing when it all adds up there should be about $500, which is actually a blessing, it will help pay for our vacation.
We are very blessed.
God always provides in awesome ways.
I like change.
It'$ good.

Faithful till the end of my days.

2007-08-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

Went to my friend's grandfather's funeral today.
Her grandfather was truly an amazing man. As I heard her family talk about what kind of a man he was the one word they used to describe him was "Faithful".
He was faithful to his family, friends, church, evangelism, his word, and most of all his relationship with God.
He truly impacted so many people's lives and made a difference in this world.

It was a good reminder to make sure that I am faithful to God and all that he has placed in my life. This man left behind such a legacy, and I hope that someday I will do the same.
I want to impact people's lives, be there for my family and friends. I don't want my life to be a waste.
I am so glad that God is always reminding me just how precious life is and that I can make a difference now, I can allow God to use me now, to live in his will today until I go home to him!

I want today to be the day that I am faithful!
Thanks God for your grace and for loving me so much and most of all for your Son, who is the most awesome example of faithfulness!!!
Here is to the end of my days, an awesome adventure with God!

2007-08-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

I've been very blessed this past weekend. A dear friend from my early childhood came to Indiana with her family and visited me!
ME! she came and hung out with me. We haven't seen each other in 7-8 years. Wow.
It's been crazy and I have to be honest with you, not seeing this girl for that long made me nervous, I had not a clue if we would connect. Would we like each other as much as we did when we were just little girls? Would have anything in common now that we are adults?

Well all this fear for nothing. We totally had the greatest time. We caught up on the past 7 years and enjoyed each others company.

The sad thing is this though, she is going back home to Kansas, I won't be able to see her...I can call her but I won't be able to hang out with her though. But It's amazing to see how even though I haven't talked to her in forever or seen her face we picked up right where we left off.
Giggling and laughing, sharing our brokenness, embracing in hugs as if we never had been apart it makes me realize this...

GOD IS THE EXACT SAME WAY!
No matter where I am in life, I can connect with God anytime any where.
Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I just stop spending time with God because I know he will take me back in any time, but the truth of the matter is this, God loves me so much his arms are open wide all the time ready to take me back in as his child, friend, lover.

He is so amazing and I am so glad that he gives us glimpses of how beautiful a relationship with him is through other people.
A relationship with him is so much more satisfying than any other relationship I can have and he is ready all the time for me to acknowledge his awesome presence.

2007-08-01T12:21:00.001-07:00

well I moved out of my old office and into my new office,
which is a real cubicle not a fake one.
I am a little sad, because now I won't be sharing my office with
Christine anymore.

2007-08-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

Update???

2007-07-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

The weekend has been fun.
My family, my whole family practically, went to Mt. Baldy, Indiana Beach, and to my grandma's pool party!
And Today I am taking my niece shopping!!!
YAY! So fun!
I've never gone shopping with her before since she has always been to young and now she is a teeny bopper and of course will love shopping.

Things have been crazy lately. My brother in law is going to court today, be praying for him.
My other brother in law is moving out of the house, it's kinda sad, there won't be 7 of us living in there anymore, only 5 now.
It will be kinda lonely.

After Judah and I got married I moved in to his dad's house. Judah's dad and brothers and nephew all live in the house, it was kinda rough in the beginning for me since I grew up living with my parents and one sibling, a life full of privacy is what I have always had up until I moved in to the Strantz Manor.
I've just gotten use to being in a house full of tons of people. I suppose though I will enjoy the peace and quiet. Well not really peace and quiet but you know what I mean, maybe I should say more room to move around in.

More of my boring (just kidding) life later.

2007-07-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

My husband's family came into to town today from Washington State.
We met up with them at 5:30am at IHOP and had a huge family breakfast, 12 of us.
I am happy they are back in town, but my heart is sad because well you see...my niece (the only niece I have) seemed to be more excited to see my brother in-law's girlfriend more than me.
As soon as she hopped out of the car, my niece ran to her hugged on her and they put their arms around each other and walked into IHOP together, sat next to each other and giggled and so on forth.
Yes I will be honest, I am jealous, but I am just so sad because I feel like I've lost connection with her. My niece used to like hanging around, but after my bro in-law started to going out with his girlfriend everything changed.

We are all going to go to Cedar Point tomorrow, my two nephews and girlfriend, niece, and my bro along with his girlfriend... I am really scared about going tomorrow because I am afraid I'll be a 5th wheel. I try so hard to fit in, do things with people and I end up being left out and feeling depressed.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.
It's just me being self-centered.
Pray for me, I want God to change my heart.
I want to be happy where ever He has me, with whom ever He has me, and if that means I make new friends, meet new people, let it be for His glory.

It's easier said than done,
but I am nothing with Christ, but all things I can do through Him who strengthens me.
My heart knows what to do, now I just need to DO IT!

in all my ways acknowledge him

2007-07-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

God is faithful.

Especially when we take the time to acknowledge him in all our ways.

It's been a frustrating morning for me. I finally sat back in my chair and realized this, I get so worked up over nothing and I just need to take some time to pray and acknowledge that God is in control. I invited him to help me out with my frustrations and he did.

I feel so much closer to him and blessed that God takes care of me, and that I don't have get all freaked out over nothing... I just surrender it all and trust in him.

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

I bought this ring, it's pretty awesome, Proverbs 3:5-6 is written in Hebrew on it. It's been a great reminder, especially because I want to remember the Lord, and all that he has done for me and for his people.

Take some time to acknowledge him and Remember how faithful HE has been.

with love,

jess

2007-06-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

off to cornerstone!
I'll be back in a week!

please be praying for my family...it's been hectic.
But God is really doing some awesome things in the midst of all of this mess.

more details later.

<3

2007-06-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day.
SOS is this week. It's been fun though. I wish I could be part of it more, but I have to work.
Cornerstone is next week.
I am excited a little more than I was. Maybe it's because I have made some new friends that are going to be there.

WE have worship team auditions for the youth group.
That should be a blast, I really hope that it goes well. I think it will for the most part.
I am looking forward to working with new kids this year, teaching them music and all.

Well I am off!
Toodles.